The winter months get the best of people. Other than those who have a deep love for snowboarding, or some other winter sport, and esccimos, I don't know how anybody could keep happy and optimistic during this bitter and cold season.
And that's the impression I give off. That of coldness and bitterness. I'm less social than usual, I'm withdrawn and silent, and to all people looking at me from the outside in, you would think I was depressed. But this last week has been that of alone time with my thoughts. Truth: I have nothing positive to say, so why even open my mouth at all. Words that come out of it would be those of complaints and criticisms.
I tried very hard this week to do the little things that make me smile on a regular basis. I kept in touch with my journal, I watched a stupid ytv show that no one else is into. I had a few drinks, and ate nachos and chocolate cake. And I touched base with some friends to talk about topics that really had no relevance in the long run. But most of all, I napped and I read, and I went tanning. And still, at the end of the day, my mood was no more that 5/10, winter does get the best of me, and the Calgary version of it, just makes me want to hitchhike south.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dancing - Check
So I brave the cold and wander over to my local watering hole to meet up with a friend that I haven't seen in a couple of weeks, and his significant-other. We eat some cheap wings and shoot the shit with talk of New Years and the holidays. But as they leave just before 10pm, I realize how much I dread getting back out into the cold, and back to my uneventful house. I decide to stay.
I relocate to the bar where new friends are already giving me a hard time, and the shooters are flowing. We talk of girls and boys, of relationships and liars, and eventually decide that we should party. Like the good'ol'days, I'm kidnapped by boys (w a side of good looking girls) and we head down to a bar I despise. But, in the spirit of the New Year and having fun, I allow myself to dance get hit on random 19yr-olds and see my new random friends give up all their dignity by getting groped and mouth-raped. But that is nothing new for the Roadhouse.
My night went like this though: I met up w my friend and his gf, then hung out with random bartender + 2 sides of random awesomeness, and a not-so-innocent young-in. Went down to the club with 2 female rockstars, where I met a 1/2 stripper, saw my former-good-friend, my 2 awesome bartenderesses, and a former almost-fling from Waterton. Wow, who knew I'd have such an eventful night.
I relocate to the bar where new friends are already giving me a hard time, and the shooters are flowing. We talk of girls and boys, of relationships and liars, and eventually decide that we should party. Like the good'ol'days, I'm kidnapped by boys (w a side of good looking girls) and we head down to a bar I despise. But, in the spirit of the New Year and having fun, I allow myself to dance get hit on random 19yr-olds and see my new random friends give up all their dignity by getting groped and mouth-raped. But that is nothing new for the Roadhouse.
My night went like this though: I met up w my friend and his gf, then hung out with random bartender + 2 sides of random awesomeness, and a not-so-innocent young-in. Went down to the club with 2 female rockstars, where I met a 1/2 stripper, saw my former-good-friend, my 2 awesome bartenderesses, and a former almost-fling from Waterton. Wow, who knew I'd have such an eventful night.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
What I've Accomplished Last Year
Resolution: expand my social circle: wasn't a failure, though not a full-on success. I will re-attempt this one again in 2011, with a few minor tweeks. Still 2#'s a week, but with less punishment.
Resolution: hot vacation: DONE! And Mexico was awesome!
Resolution: return daddys car: DONE! oh solo-trip through the USA.
Resolution: don't sweat the small stuff: kinda done...
*sidenote* on this one; explanation for it last year was:
"if you've met me, I'm semi animated but it always comes across as anger. I love to yell and cause a bit of a ruckus, a lot of it sounds angry, though it's really not, and all that's good... but I do let the small stuff get to me... NO MORE"
The problem with that is, I like to be animated, and yell and vent. I'm still not angry, and therefore I choose to express that part of myself, but I feel as if I did made a valid effort to not let small things matter last year, so yay me.
And this year, I've decided to re-add:
-flirt shamelessly (it's too much fun not to)
-dance around(it makes you happier, and allows you to de-stress)
-get into trouble (you're not getting any younger)
they were my resolutions in the past for a reason, and they will brighten up 2011, just you wait!
Resolution: hot vacation: DONE! And Mexico was awesome!
Resolution: return daddys car: DONE! oh solo-trip through the USA.
Resolution: don't sweat the small stuff: kinda done...
*sidenote* on this one; explanation for it last year was:
"if you've met me, I'm semi animated but it always comes across as anger. I love to yell and cause a bit of a ruckus, a lot of it sounds angry, though it's really not, and all that's good... but I do let the small stuff get to me... NO MORE"
The problem with that is, I like to be animated, and yell and vent. I'm still not angry, and therefore I choose to express that part of myself, but I feel as if I did made a valid effort to not let small things matter last year, so yay me.
And this year, I've decided to re-add:
-flirt shamelessly (it's too much fun not to)
-dance around(it makes you happier, and allows you to de-stress)
-get into trouble (you're not getting any younger)
they were my resolutions in the past for a reason, and they will brighten up 2011, just you wait!
The Ending of 2010
Drinks started flowing early in the afternoon on New Years Eve. Lounging around the house waiting for an epic plan for the night, "I wonder how much I could drink today?" I asked the roommate at about 4pm. This was after a baileys hot chocolate, and 4 or 5 jaggerbombs, but before getting ready... but then due to some complications, I didn't get to the bar to meet up with friends till 10:30, in a pretty tipsy state and a decent enough mood.
The Rusty Cage was broken up into 4 types of high school cliques. You have the jocks: t-shirts too tight on them, showing off that most of their lives revolve around the gym; the wanna-bes: wearing whatever they thought would look best at the bar, none of them dressed rock'n'roll, or even decently, but the gel in their hair suggests they tried; the nerds: made up of all men that keep to their tables, checking out the girls they'd like to get up the courage to talk to, but won't; and the girls: not sluts per say, but really trying for attention, none-the-less.
The band that's playing sounds decent enough but lack a personality of their own. They're ripping off all the most popular songs of Guitar Hero. Yes, I understand that those songs were once epic, but now, they are mostly recognized from the game that's educated the youth of today. From Sweet Child of Mine, to the Foofighters, and now Kings of Leon, it lacked the energy New Years Eve should hold.
The countdown happened 3 minutes early and was anti-climactic, as I think it was done more for the convenience of ending one song, and beginning another. The first song I heard in 2011 was Pink's "Raise Your Glass". No complaints I suppose.
Shortly after midnight the drunkards started coming around, and I learned a new pick-up line that's been used on me before, but I didn't recognize as a pick-up line until now. Dipped in self-loathing with a hint of patheticness and the hope for sympathy I suppose, a guy walks up, puts his arms around me saying hello, then slurs "You're not who I thought you were, and you're way out of my league" then walks away. Shock value is what I think the people who use said line are trying to accomplish. But a "fool me once, shame on you..." recognision of this line, helped me just let him walk away.
And at around 2am when the bar had cleared and my night still wasn't awesome, a delayed from text from my boy, coupled with my favorite tune of the year (How Low Can You Go by Ludacris) brought a brief smile to my face... and then I headed home.
The Rusty Cage was broken up into 4 types of high school cliques. You have the jocks: t-shirts too tight on them, showing off that most of their lives revolve around the gym; the wanna-bes: wearing whatever they thought would look best at the bar, none of them dressed rock'n'roll, or even decently, but the gel in their hair suggests they tried; the nerds: made up of all men that keep to their tables, checking out the girls they'd like to get up the courage to talk to, but won't; and the girls: not sluts per say, but really trying for attention, none-the-less.
The band that's playing sounds decent enough but lack a personality of their own. They're ripping off all the most popular songs of Guitar Hero. Yes, I understand that those songs were once epic, but now, they are mostly recognized from the game that's educated the youth of today. From Sweet Child of Mine, to the Foofighters, and now Kings of Leon, it lacked the energy New Years Eve should hold.
The countdown happened 3 minutes early and was anti-climactic, as I think it was done more for the convenience of ending one song, and beginning another. The first song I heard in 2011 was Pink's "Raise Your Glass". No complaints I suppose.
Shortly after midnight the drunkards started coming around, and I learned a new pick-up line that's been used on me before, but I didn't recognize as a pick-up line until now. Dipped in self-loathing with a hint of patheticness and the hope for sympathy I suppose, a guy walks up, puts his arms around me saying hello, then slurs "You're not who I thought you were, and you're way out of my league" then walks away. Shock value is what I think the people who use said line are trying to accomplish. But a "fool me once, shame on you..." recognision of this line, helped me just let him walk away.
And at around 2am when the bar had cleared and my night still wasn't awesome, a delayed from text from my boy, coupled with my favorite tune of the year (How Low Can You Go by Ludacris) brought a brief smile to my face... and then I headed home.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Ruckus
About 2.5 hrs into the New Year and I'm already causing a ruckus.
I spent New Years Eve at a sister bar of my beloved Rusty Cage North. Disappointingly enough, there wasn't a huge and rowdy crowd there, and having an epically-good-time wasn't in the cards. But a decent-time was had regardless.
Anyway, by 2am, the bar had cleared out... and even though I desperately wanted to party, I found myself about to head home. Assuming that public transit would be extended, it being a holiday and all, I stumbled across the street to the c-train.
**The Heritage C-train station was in the news a few weeks back, because of a sexual assault that had occurred at about 2am. Apparently bits of it had been caught on camera, but no one came to the rescue, and the whole "transit camera system" was now being questioned.**
As I made my way up the stairs, and then down the other side towards the platform, I asked people if they knew when the next train was coming, but they were all wishy-washy with their responses
As I got onto the platform, I walked past a group of 15 people (who also didn't know when the train would be there, but had been waiting a while) acting as if I owned the place. Then, without a second thought, I said "Well, did anyone try this?" and pushed the big red HELP button. .
(I guess that would be the button one would push in case of an emergency, like an assault). A voice immediately answered, and I just slurred "ugh, hi, are there any more trains tonight?" to which I got a "no more trains" response, followed by my slurred "okay, thanks, sorry".
The looks of shock and dismay filled the crowd as they starred at me trying to wrap their heads around what I had just done. "That button is for EMERGENCIES" one guy said. But I just shrugged and said "no more trains" walking away, letting them talk about me amongst themselves.
Now, who knows how much that fine is? like $3000 I thought, I should really do my research on that. And there are cameras as everyone knows, but hey, it's not like I have a warrant out for my arrest having to do with c-train related crimes. I picked up a random, and after showing some leg, got into a cab with him. I was home by 3:30... or actually, I was standing in the middle of the street looking lost, same difference.
I spent New Years Eve at a sister bar of my beloved Rusty Cage North. Disappointingly enough, there wasn't a huge and rowdy crowd there, and having an epically-good-time wasn't in the cards. But a decent-time was had regardless.
Anyway, by 2am, the bar had cleared out... and even though I desperately wanted to party, I found myself about to head home. Assuming that public transit would be extended, it being a holiday and all, I stumbled across the street to the c-train.
**The Heritage C-train station was in the news a few weeks back, because of a sexual assault that had occurred at about 2am. Apparently bits of it had been caught on camera, but no one came to the rescue, and the whole "transit camera system" was now being questioned.**
As I made my way up the stairs, and then down the other side towards the platform, I asked people if they knew when the next train was coming, but they were all wishy-washy with their responses
As I got onto the platform, I walked past a group of 15 people (who also didn't know when the train would be there, but had been waiting a while) acting as if I owned the place. Then, without a second thought, I said "Well, did anyone try this?" and pushed the big red HELP button. .
(I guess that would be the button one would push in case of an emergency, like an assault). A voice immediately answered, and I just slurred "ugh, hi, are there any more trains tonight?" to which I got a "no more trains" response, followed by my slurred "okay, thanks, sorry".
The looks of shock and dismay filled the crowd as they starred at me trying to wrap their heads around what I had just done. "That button is for EMERGENCIES" one guy said. But I just shrugged and said "no more trains" walking away, letting them talk about me amongst themselves.
Now, who knows how much that fine is? like $3000 I thought, I should really do my research on that. And there are cameras as everyone knows, but hey, it's not like I have a warrant out for my arrest having to do with c-train related crimes. I picked up a random, and after showing some leg, got into a cab with him. I was home by 3:30... or actually, I was standing in the middle of the street looking lost, same difference.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Lost girl in the street
Yesterday was New Years, and via my 19-yr-old kinda attitude, in true drunken fashion, a couple of adventures came to pass. But I can't put them all in one story and lose my regular readership, so you'll have to read another post in a day or so.
But here's todays story:
It's 3:30 in the morning, and in the middle of the street on 20th Avenue, in front of Jimmy's stands a girl. Like a deer caught in headlights, she's just standing there, looking confused, and listening intently, holding something in her hand. She's wearing a short-sleeved dress, but no jacket. Her shoes don't match her outfit at all as they are ass-kicking/moon-walking/combat-looking boots.
She takes a step to the left and a step to the right, clearly distraught and frustrated. Then she bends down to pick an object up from a deep pile of snow. Her blackberry.
It always happens to me, what could I say?
But here's todays story:
It's 3:30 in the morning, and in the middle of the street on 20th Avenue, in front of Jimmy's stands a girl. Like a deer caught in headlights, she's just standing there, looking confused, and listening intently, holding something in her hand. She's wearing a short-sleeved dress, but no jacket. Her shoes don't match her outfit at all as they are ass-kicking/moon-walking/combat-looking boots.
She takes a step to the left and a step to the right, clearly distraught and frustrated. Then she bends down to pick an object up from a deep pile of snow. Her blackberry.
It always happens to me, what could I say?
Friday, December 31, 2010
2011 Resolutions
So, here's the deal people: it's a tradition of mine to go through all the resolutions I made last year, and see if I achieved them all. And this year, I feel like I owe everyone an explanation as to why my numbers game did not go as expected, and why I have to re-enact that resolution next year.... but, it's New Years Eve, and I don't have a plan. The night is gonna be pure epicness (or so I'm trying to convince myself of) and therefore in the spirit of keeping an optimistic mood, I shall leave my negative banter about 2010 for another time and concentrate on the year ahead.
In my bedroom I have a whiteboard that I've owned for the better part of 10 years. It's one of my outlets, and basically, you could take one glance at it and know what I'm trying to accomplish that given week, and what's bothering me. Like a canvas for my doodles. Currently it holds my resolutions, written as follows:
-find a natural high (love counts, because, you love love)
-it's not all about you... acknowledge that (most of it is though)
-get a "real job: that you most likely hate, but looks good on paper
-find a fun part time job/volunteer position to re-establish yourself
-there better be a damn good reason you're in bed before midnight!
-be yourself, if that means a "bitch", then so be it
That's at least the jist of them. I'd also like to:
-remember to act like you're 5 (danceparties, go carts, singing, playground, swimming, lazer tag ect
-save close to $10,000, or buy a motorcycle
-go on a rockstar cruise or a hot vacation or a US roadtrip
-avoid Ontario like the plague
-get a real website so this post is more amusing
And my last rule: this past year I tried to get in touch with my feelings and be a nicer person. I tried to condition myself with jumping jacks to prevent myself from saying what's on my mind and hurting people's feelings. By bottling stuff up, I turned into a pathetic weepy female who has no personality, no social life, and scares off men.
In 2011, I have a no crying rule so if you see me shed a tear, I have to do 100 jumping jacks.
*sidenote* if after the 150 jumping jacks, I happen to still be crying, I will continue doing jumping jacks till I smarten the fuck up.
*punishment* no Jack for 72hrs if rule is disobeyed. (someone hold me to this)
Anyway, yeah, Happy New Years Eve - do it up!
In my bedroom I have a whiteboard that I've owned for the better part of 10 years. It's one of my outlets, and basically, you could take one glance at it and know what I'm trying to accomplish that given week, and what's bothering me. Like a canvas for my doodles. Currently it holds my resolutions, written as follows:
-find a natural high (love counts, because, you love love)
-it's not all about you... acknowledge that (most of it is though)
-get a "real job: that you most likely hate, but looks good on paper
-find a fun part time job/volunteer position to re-establish yourself
-there better be a damn good reason you're in bed before midnight!
-be yourself, if that means a "bitch", then so be it
That's at least the jist of them. I'd also like to:
-remember to act like you're 5 (danceparties, go carts, singing, playground, swimming, lazer tag ect
-save close to $10,000, or buy a motorcycle
-go on a rockstar cruise or a hot vacation or a US roadtrip
-avoid Ontario like the plague
-get a real website so this post is more amusing
And my last rule: this past year I tried to get in touch with my feelings and be a nicer person. I tried to condition myself with jumping jacks to prevent myself from saying what's on my mind and hurting people's feelings. By bottling stuff up, I turned into a pathetic weepy female who has no personality, no social life, and scares off men.
In 2011, I have a no crying rule so if you see me shed a tear, I have to do 100 jumping jacks.
*sidenote* if after the 150 jumping jacks, I happen to still be crying, I will continue doing jumping jacks till I smarten the fuck up.
*punishment* no Jack for 72hrs if rule is disobeyed. (someone hold me to this)
Anyway, yeah, Happy New Years Eve - do it up!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Expectations
I often make fun of people who settle for others; especially in relationships. You see couples like them all the time, the boy who's not good-looking enough to have walked in with that "bombshell"; the girl who's trying too hard to please the boy she's with, even though he's prolly just using her for sex, and sleeping around on the side. I sing these people the "lowered expectations" tune from old-school mad tv. It's like the self-respect issue people talk about, where settling is not an option.
But, in this blog, I want to focus on the other side of things. The people who's expectations are so incredibly high, nothing will ever measure up to them. They think they're too good for everything and everyone, are never incorrect, and as a result, they tend to be less happy on as day-to-day basis.
I, myself fall into the 2nd part of this equation, and tend to live in my own idealistic world. My thoughts reside in a fairy tale land where life is always grand and everyone surpasses my expectations. In this world, people arrive early and pleasantly surprise you all the time. When you think of perfect events, down to the weather and the music playing in the background, that is in fact my diluted sense of reality. It's like I live in a cheesy romance novel written specifically for me. In my world, the sun may as well always be shining and everyone could be on an e-like high, skipping around like smurfs to their themesong. Shit, I may as well throw in a unicorn.
But this year, I discovered more than ever, that the world I physically live in, the "real world" as they call it, likes to shatter my fantasy world on a regular basis. Shit, even the smurfs eventually have felt fear and run away from Gargamel and his cat. So why is it that I try so hard to avoid everything that isn't pure perfection?
Anyway, as a result of this blog, my question is,
"How do I start living more-so in reality, so that I stop getting hurt, when my day doesn't turn out IDEAL?"
But, in this blog, I want to focus on the other side of things. The people who's expectations are so incredibly high, nothing will ever measure up to them. They think they're too good for everything and everyone, are never incorrect, and as a result, they tend to be less happy on as day-to-day basis.
I, myself fall into the 2nd part of this equation, and tend to live in my own idealistic world. My thoughts reside in a fairy tale land where life is always grand and everyone surpasses my expectations. In this world, people arrive early and pleasantly surprise you all the time. When you think of perfect events, down to the weather and the music playing in the background, that is in fact my diluted sense of reality. It's like I live in a cheesy romance novel written specifically for me. In my world, the sun may as well always be shining and everyone could be on an e-like high, skipping around like smurfs to their themesong. Shit, I may as well throw in a unicorn.
But this year, I discovered more than ever, that the world I physically live in, the "real world" as they call it, likes to shatter my fantasy world on a regular basis. Shit, even the smurfs eventually have felt fear and run away from Gargamel and his cat. So why is it that I try so hard to avoid everything that isn't pure perfection?
Anyway, as a result of this blog, my question is,
"How do I start living more-so in reality, so that I stop getting hurt, when my day doesn't turn out IDEAL?"
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Christmas Thang
Everyone has their own shit going on when it comes to Christmas. That's the way it's supposed to be. Your own ridiculous meals and traditions with those that mean the most to you.
My father called me from Ontario for the first time in months to ask me if I had gone to confession and if I'm looking forward to midnight mass. Knowing full well that I wouldn't've gone just for the sake of it, I think the purpose of that phone call was to get me frustrated or upset during the holiday season, because that is in fact tradition.
But I have my own holiday tradition: On Christmas eve afternoon, I like to walk across the street to Daves Liquor Store, and spend a ridiculous amount of money on various liquors that will be used during the upcoming weeks for Christmas cocktails. I then, gather with my roommates and whoever else wants to be involved and we spend all day watching the fireplace channel on tv (except the one that is on this year sucks balls and I'm gonna have to write a strongly worded letter to shaw).
We wait until midnight to open presents, or else the night seems meaningless, then in a drunken stooper we go to the park across the street to take dirty Christmas photos with the lights display.
This years Christmas went a bit differently, but along with caroling to myself, I also skanked frequently to spread the Christmas spirit, but more on that later.
My father called me from Ontario for the first time in months to ask me if I had gone to confession and if I'm looking forward to midnight mass. Knowing full well that I wouldn't've gone just for the sake of it, I think the purpose of that phone call was to get me frustrated or upset during the holiday season, because that is in fact tradition.
But I have my own holiday tradition: On Christmas eve afternoon, I like to walk across the street to Daves Liquor Store, and spend a ridiculous amount of money on various liquors that will be used during the upcoming weeks for Christmas cocktails. I then, gather with my roommates and whoever else wants to be involved and we spend all day watching the fireplace channel on tv (except the one that is on this year sucks balls and I'm gonna have to write a strongly worded letter to shaw).
We wait until midnight to open presents, or else the night seems meaningless, then in a drunken stooper we go to the park across the street to take dirty Christmas photos with the lights display.
This years Christmas went a bit differently, but along with caroling to myself, I also skanked frequently to spread the Christmas spirit, but more on that later.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Lameness.
My big New Years resoultion for 2011, is to get a life.
I've realized that over the course of 2010, I've gone from like a 4/10 in lameness, because I didn't have any friends, and don't enjoy "clubbing" ect in the city of Calgary, to like a 9/10... for no good reason at all.
I met my boy towards the end of January at last call, having followed a guy in a kilt into a bar I hadn't ventured to before. One thing lead to another, I hung out with my new boy till 5am that first night.
FFWD to the last few months of my life, I don't even know when the last time I was out past midnight was. Let alone not in-bed before 1am. There has been no random bars, and not even the meeting of strangers. Heck, I had a party this past weekend, and even then, having tried my hardest, I made it until 12:15am, then passed out in my own lameness, fully clothed with people still at the house.
My numbers game has failed miserably and will have to be re-attempted next year with another wind of positive attitude, because this lame thing, is totally not part of who I am. I'm up late today (it's 12:30am right now), but doing awesome things? nah. I'm stepping outside of my room to glance at a moon because I'm getting txts of a lunar eclipse. If these txts weren't keeping me up, I'd be sleeping right now.
And we could say lameness is allowed, as it's a Monday night. But truth be told, I have no job to go to in the morning, so that's a bullshit excuse. And oh, my life just hit a 10/10 on the lameness scale. My mom's msging me on msn. She lives in Ontario and it's 2:30am there. Even she's got the willpower to stay up past my bed-time.
I've realized that over the course of 2010, I've gone from like a 4/10 in lameness, because I didn't have any friends, and don't enjoy "clubbing" ect in the city of Calgary, to like a 9/10... for no good reason at all.
I met my boy towards the end of January at last call, having followed a guy in a kilt into a bar I hadn't ventured to before. One thing lead to another, I hung out with my new boy till 5am that first night.
FFWD to the last few months of my life, I don't even know when the last time I was out past midnight was. Let alone not in-bed before 1am. There has been no random bars, and not even the meeting of strangers. Heck, I had a party this past weekend, and even then, having tried my hardest, I made it until 12:15am, then passed out in my own lameness, fully clothed with people still at the house.
My numbers game has failed miserably and will have to be re-attempted next year with another wind of positive attitude, because this lame thing, is totally not part of who I am. I'm up late today (it's 12:30am right now), but doing awesome things? nah. I'm stepping outside of my room to glance at a moon because I'm getting txts of a lunar eclipse. If these txts weren't keeping me up, I'd be sleeping right now.
And we could say lameness is allowed, as it's a Monday night. But truth be told, I have no job to go to in the morning, so that's a bullshit excuse. And oh, my life just hit a 10/10 on the lameness scale. My mom's msging me on msn. She lives in Ontario and it's 2:30am there. Even she's got the willpower to stay up past my bed-time.
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