...too bad feelings get in the way...

On an episode of "Saved by the Bell", Zack said "I love school, too bad classes get in the way". That's my opinion of school as well. Thinking back on the years during which I went to college,I remember good times and good friends. Classes were indeed an inconvenience that took time out of my drinking and socializing schedule. Eventually class (aside from the 1 or 2 that I enjoyed) became a place that you could meet up with friends, to hang out when it was done. "Will you be at stats?, sweet, wanna grab breakfast after?"

I feel simularly about life. "Life is awesome, too bad feelings get in the way".
I thought I grew accustomed to life and the feelings and fights it had in store for me, but I was wrong. I only grew accustomed to other people's feelings. Other people would get upset with me or angry at what I said. Anything that directly involved me was only a "tiff" that you'd roll your eyes and it would pass. (I don't like those strong emotions) But I think for the first time in my life, I now have to acknowledge that I do indeed have feelings... but only when it comes to one person. I feel the joy and sadness that doesn't only come from attending a punk-rock concert. But subsequently, I also shed tears that aren't ones involving me cross-legged-and-drunk on a kitchen floor.

I'm not sure I've wrapped my head around this whole feelings thing yet. I think that avoiding it my whole life has worked out great so far. The most pain I'd feel, was that from the jumping-jacks I'd have to do for having hurt your feelings. And even now, I don't care what you think of me. Just this one person. How'd he manage to get in anyway?

Tears in my Eyes

Does anyone remember my post about gatorade being like McDonalds arches? One of my better posts I think. The point of it was, that after a night of drinking, the crawl out of bed to grab a beverage to quench your thirst in the morning, is a difficult one. This is my story:

My numbers game is back on. I need to get another 28 (penalty) phone numbers before the game could re-start. Then I need to catch up on the weeks I've overlooked. Not an easy task, but one I'm up for. Therefore, I've decided that hanging out at bars is the easiest way to do so, and my beloved "power hour" (an hour of hardcore drinking at my favorite bar) is the highlight of my uneventful days.

Yesterday's power hour was fun, as I introduced my new friend "FireKracker" to it, and in true awesome form, she went for the gold. 3 vodka-sodas, 3 long islands, 3 shots of tequila, and 2 vodka-redbulls later, the hour was over. *dual meaning* Hahaha. But I kept up (mostly), drinking well and having fun.

The point: Though I slept in till noon, as I've not nowhere to be, the motivation to get out of bed, put on some clothes *damn cold house* and wander upstairs to pee/hydrate ended in disappointment, as when I opened my fridge door neither my gatorade nor my sunny-dee was anywhere to be found. Talk about putting tears in my eyes first thing in the morning.

Alone in the house I could scream all I want, simultaneously wishing I could smash stuff. But that doesn't bring my gatorade back.

Indifference.

I found that I'm growing to dislike people more.
I work along-side them and purposly walk to the other side of the display. Away from the meaningless stupid conversations. I don't want to hear your stories. I don't want to share any of mine with you.

For the first time in my life, I think I prefer silence.
My own thoughts will keep me company. And I'm not even thinking of anything that important.
Oh 12hr shifts.

Life is a Disappointment

I don't actually believe these words that I write.
I don't believe that the guyfriend would intentionally try to hurt me or that I won't overcome the not-so-awesome days I've been having.

I went to my favorite place in the world recently, the mountans that make me smile no matter what mood I'm in.
I still cried more than I should have...*shrugs* but at least I did so in a beautiful place.

More-than-halfway Update

Km's driven: 2,707 km

States crossed: 2.5

McDonalds meals eaten: 4

Energy drinks dranken: 3.5

Cd's listened to: 21

Nights spelt in car: 2

Hitchhikers NOT picked up: 2

I left late on day 1 (3pm) and therefore ended up in MooseJaw, SK for the night with no exciting stories to tell, or much to show for it. As punishement, I slept in the car.

On day 2, I successfully became a fugitive on the run when I crossed into the US border via Northern Dakota, but then decided to go check out the State Fair that was taking place... 3 hours killed - driving catch-up required. As punishment, I slept in the car.

This morning I got up with a new motivation. I stopped minimally (only in Chippewa Falls were Jack Dawson from Titanic was originally from) and drove the fuk out of my day (Did Minnesota, and 1/2 of Wisconsin). I got into Milwaukee at about 6, searched for the internet until 7:30, and found a motel by 9). Tomorrow's plan: Warped Tour and 4hrs of driving (as a reward).

Random things seen: a guy on a motorcycle driving 110km without a helmet... rebel!

So many obese people at McD's, note to self, vomit.

Many many mullets.

At least I amuse Myself.

Roadtrip update: pretty much uneventful. Thanks for checking out the blog peoples.

Alright alright, I'll update you on the most important stuff. Yesterday I drove the Canadian leg, through AB into SK and spent the night in MooseJaw. Uneventful.

This afternoon I crossed over into North Dakota, successfully claiming my fugitive title, since I am technically fleeing the country with that whole warrent out for my arrest. The guy at the border did give me a hard time, but not about the warrent, instead, about me being refused access to the states a few years back. Apparently, that's on my record also now. I tried to only minimally roll my eyes when I explained to him that I was 19 and trying to get into the states to see a punk rock show, that I did very little research on. It didn't help that I was the first person crossing that day, and that no one ever uses that border crossing, as it was via backroads.

Whatever, he eventually let me in, and I celebrated to myself, until I realized I didn't exchange any money *rolls eyes* About 4 years ago I got stuck in the States for a long time because no banks in Ohio would exchange Canadian money for me. They all eventually sent me to Kentucky, and all I really wanted was gas. At the Kentucky airport (which was the only alternative apparently) I was only able to exchange money if I had a boarding pass and so this game of me being stranded continued. Needless to say, I didn't want a repeat of this, so the money thing made me paranoid... but it's solved now.

North Dakota started out exciting enough, the towns a little different from the Canadian side. But soon, it just began to resemble Saskatchewan. Now I love SK when I'm on a trip with the roomie, and not pressed for time, because I'll do random stuff... but let's be realistic, no one wants to drive through prairies by themselves.

The solution: Let's just say that I girl can't have any more fun than driving down a road at a high speed on cruise control, the wind messing up her hair and some punk rock song blaring the speakers off her shitty ass car... wearing a short skirt, with a toy in between her legs. You suddenly get an appreciation for the straight and boring roads, realizing that you only have to stay in between the lines. And there's not even any cars around, so there's no worries of downshifting or changing lanes. It was a good afternoon!

That's all you get for right now people, as I'm sitting at an empty "visitor center" which has wireless randomly and need to get a move on to the next state!

.withdrawal.

Whenever I start to think that I'm going to miss somebody, I force myself to think of my friend SWAT Guy. Last fall, he married a girl from Scotland, and to this day, she lives in Scotland, and he lives in Ontario. Yes, they travel back and forth as much as they can, but their stay is limited to 3months at a time, and the money's tight. Hopefully her papers are all done up by the end of this year. But it makes me think, do I really miss this person that badly? Or am I just dramatic?

I leave in the morning, dreading my whole trip across the US to Ontario. I wish that I could hang out here, and go camping with people, and chill in the backyard with our new fire-pit. I wanna kick it with Sophie, and enjoy the guyfriend's company. Can it be true that I'm not depressed and therefore don't want to leave this content life that has formed itself for me in Calgary?

The trip won't be half as bad as I make it out to be in my head (fingers crossed), and I'll return relatively unchanged and with a few new stories. But no doubt, there will be some serious withdrawal from those I've grown accustomed to. *tear* (yeah right) see you in 2.5 weeks!

Just me, some punk rock, and the road.

When I came to AB with the best friend 4 summers ago, I had taken daddy's car. A 96 diesel Jetta, which saved us some gas money initially, but has caused nothing but problems from Saskatoon on. But none-the-less, a promise is a promise, and daddy will get his beat-up piece-of-shit car named "Jinx'd" back at the end of this month.

As of tomorrow, I take off for my road-trip by myself. As much as I love people and would agree to anyone coming along for the ride (some people are invited more than others), with passport issues and work schedules, it looks like this one is all me.

I could round off a list of worst-case scenarios, but I'd rather not think of those, and it's hardly my style; so we'll pretend I'm going to have this awesome soul-searching trip over the next 5 days. Filled with nothing but open roads and nostalgic memories from my old-school cd's.

It won't be like one of my Jeep-adventures while driving through rainstorms with no roof and a bikini on.... rolled down windows will have to do. And I can't say that I don't have mixed feelings about the trip. I mean, realistically, when's the last time I've spent 5 days alone?

Rebel.

I've always been telling people that I was a rebel. I'll sneak in alcohol to a show or a bar. I'll sneak backstage to meet the band. I've hopped fences and danced on cars. Hell, I've even cheated on a college exam... how dare you assume I'm a "square"!

Last week, something happened that gives me another reason to confirm that I'm a rebel. I mean, I try so hard to be, so this just confirms it: there's a warrant out for my arrest. Here's the story in it's original form.

It's 9:15pm and I"m sitting at the Canadian customs between the Montana border. Outside it's pouring out and we're all tired as fuk, having only gotten 5hrs of sleep after drinking a bit too much, and we're miserable. We've been here for about an hour now, after a mishap of me not being able to promptly find my passport, and my dad mentioning he had 200 native-reserve smokes with him. Turns out it's illegal for him to be in possession of those, and he's inside now talking with officers.. I guess I should be holding y breath that no huge fine comes out of this. And so, I sit here, cold, wet, and in silence, rolling y eyes at how smokers inconvenience my life. Then I get a knock on my window and am asked to step out into the rain. Turns out ther's a warrant out for my arrest cuz I'm a motha-fuken-bad-ass-rebel. I love Babb Montana, but not this much! -July 13th

So while searching my dads past records, I guess the officers got bored and searched a bit of mine. A c-train ticket could apparently get you into a shit-load of trouble. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head when the officer told me "you've got to be fuken kidding me", "I don't have time for this bullshit", "I need to get the guys to Calgary, and me to work in a day" ect. ect.

And with me having to drive across to Ontario next week, I guess I should go and get this shit settled before they try to arrest me for fleeing the country or something. But seriously, how bad-ass would I be if I got taken away with cuffs on my wrists? -think about it!-

I propose a challenge

To whomever is willing to accept it (I have a top 3 in mind, but don't wanna share), let's bring AnnaB some amusement in her life.

Prefix: with disappointment, I am sad to say that my previous plan of hiring Girlie a boy to clean her house off of craigslist, did not happen. Not to say that it won't, but my amusement for 3 weeks ago has not been fullfilled.

Though I had a challenge for a friend of mine over Stampede (which I'm anxiously waiting to get an update on, and it might make me happy and therefore give me something to write about) I feel like another one is in order.

The Challenge: You always watch movies and see the scene where a girl or guy are on 2 dates at the same time and try to manage both. I do that with promo jobs, and know that it's not always easy to do, but sometimes you get away with it. I want someone to go into my bar of choice (The Cage) where there is a room upstairs and one downstairs, and for one hour, do a two-date-at-a-time type deal (even though it could just be hitting on two different people).

I feel like the 1.hilarity of watching someone multi-task this will amuse me. 2.seeing if the persons being hitting on end up in the same room, will do the same, and 3.pulling it off and getting 2 phone numbers out of the deal, would be ideal.

People get "played" all the time. I'm just bored and mean enough to make it a challenge. Anyone?