A Disappointing Walk

I just got in from my walk about the NW part of Calgary. Don't ask me why, but 1/2 way through my walk, I started to think of relationships... about marriage specifically. I started thinking about how not-genuine people get married.

Recently, a former friend, current aquaintance of mine, got married. I was on his facebook looking at photos, and feeling happy for him, cuz he's a good guy. At the same time, I started thinking back to others that I knew in college, who also have recently been married but were never loyal to their significant others. That shit disappoints me, but more-so, angers me.

I started walking faster, like tougher though, as if I was going to punch someone. All feminine aspects (not that there is that many, so I've been told) of me vanished, and I was now walking like a man, baggy sweat pants and Jack hat pulled low over my face.... with a sence of purpose as if I was ready to beat the shit out of someone. Must've been a sight to see from the cars driving by.

Then I thought about people closer to me that I know, and situations that I've been in myself. I try to avoid it hard as I may, but I have in fact been the cheat-ee. And that is one thing I cannot stand... I am a lot of things, but a homewrecker I am not. So why is it that when I'm with a guy who is involved... he makes the move and continues going? Why am I the naive one that assumes he's not currently involved only to be rudely informed of the opposite afterward? Why is it that when someone who dating another person tells me "stop me if this is not okay" while full out knowing that it's not okay, cuz he's the one cheating! As if I'm supposed to interigate everyone all the time as to whether they're "involved" so as not to feel like shit afterwards.

And so I walked, home, turning my hands into fists and wishing my punching bag was in Calgary rather than Hamilton. But who am I really mad at? There is so many of these, I don't want to generalize, but guys! I know so many people that would cheat if only given the chance. And I don't think that's okay at all. And I'm not even the one dating. Once I start, I might really need to ship that bag this way!