I'm mean.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not a nice person. The thing that most people don't realize it that I'm absolutely aware of the fact that I am not nice, pretty much, fairly often. The other fact that they don't realize it that 1. I either don't care, or 2. I don't feel bad about it.

I wish I felt worse when I'm "not nice" to people, but I really don't. Maybe it's because of the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", kinda mentality, or just the fact that I'm a heartless bitch, but sometimes, only sometimes, I wish that I could fix it.

I told Sophie the other day that they should invent one of those machines that they use on dogs (those dog collars that zap the dogs when they gets "out of bounds" of their chosen spots) so that every time I say something overly mean that may hurt someones feelings, I get zapped. That would maybe make me be nicer or care more....

But the other question that I have is that if you're a friend of mine, and you're a sensitive person, and when evaluating things, you know I could make you cry, or would make you cry... why are we friends? Why would I be allowed to treat anyone that way without you calling me out on shit? CALL ME OUT ON SHIT. If I'm mean, and you're genuinely offended... let me know! If you do, chances are, I will eventually feel guilty and therefore want to apologize and change! Or at least make me be a little nicer... I don't know how else to fix my meanness... *shrugs*

Drunken Scategories / Roomies Night

After going out for drinks and wings, we decided to have a girls night in. We continued to drink, and now at a good medium of drink, we play drunken scategories... Now if you haven't ever met my roommates 1, you're missing out, and 2, we all have different personalities and our answers to different questions are hillarious.

As Kate is out for a smoke, and Sophie (after dancing around with Harley went out to join her) I decided to fill the world in on our dimented thoughts on certain topics. For example:

The category is : BAD HABITS and the letter is R... our answers:
Sophie : razerblades
Kate : rum
B! : reaming people out.

Doesn't that define a lot. I guess it does, in a funny, yet not so funny way, yet a hillarious way.

Example number 2.
Category: NICKNAMES... the letter is C. our answers:
Sophie : Cunt-bag
Kate : Cunt
B! : Cubby Bear

and people say I'm the fuken mean one! Shit, this just put something in perspective eh? I had "cupcake" (c/o Ellen back in the day) written down, but I thought that was too obvious, so I decided to change it, but little did I know that they would've turned the other way and chosen mean names... I just can't think that name is alright... Whether in Scotland/Ireland/England or Canada... it's just okay to me... I will prolly always chose the gushy route (believe it or not).

So as we continue to play drunken Scategories, hanging out laughing together and finding out what kinda stuff this game really reveals, I'll laugh about these answers for a while. Good random night during the week!

A Disappointing Walk

I just got in from my walk about the NW part of Calgary. Don't ask me why, but 1/2 way through my walk, I started to think of relationships... about marriage specifically. I started thinking about how not-genuine people get married.

Recently, a former friend, current aquaintance of mine, got married. I was on his facebook looking at photos, and feeling happy for him, cuz he's a good guy. At the same time, I started thinking back to others that I knew in college, who also have recently been married but were never loyal to their significant others. That shit disappoints me, but more-so, angers me.

I started walking faster, like tougher though, as if I was going to punch someone. All feminine aspects (not that there is that many, so I've been told) of me vanished, and I was now walking like a man, baggy sweat pants and Jack hat pulled low over my face.... with a sence of purpose as if I was ready to beat the shit out of someone. Must've been a sight to see from the cars driving by.

Then I thought about people closer to me that I know, and situations that I've been in myself. I try to avoid it hard as I may, but I have in fact been the cheat-ee. And that is one thing I cannot stand... I am a lot of things, but a homewrecker I am not. So why is it that when I'm with a guy who is involved... he makes the move and continues going? Why am I the naive one that assumes he's not currently involved only to be rudely informed of the opposite afterward? Why is it that when someone who dating another person tells me "stop me if this is not okay" while full out knowing that it's not okay, cuz he's the one cheating! As if I'm supposed to interigate everyone all the time as to whether they're "involved" so as not to feel like shit afterwards.

And so I walked, home, turning my hands into fists and wishing my punching bag was in Calgary rather than Hamilton. But who am I really mad at? There is so many of these, I don't want to generalize, but guys! I know so many people that would cheat if only given the chance. And I don't think that's okay at all. And I'm not even the one dating. Once I start, I might really need to ship that bag this way!

Time Travellers Wife

Seriously, I think you might just have to see this stupid movie to understand what my rant is about... but for real people? This movie was so stupidly made, it made me lose respect for that cute actress chick... if you wanna see a good movie about time travel... go rent The Lake House. That one at least made sence!

Now for those who have seen the movie, a couple of things I'd like you to ponder.
-if a fetus travels, where does it go? Does it just end up in some forest or in the middle of some street somewhere? cuz that's kinda gross
-I mean it doesn't just time travel into someone elses whom does it? cuz that would be kinda disturbing
-I guess if if could travel to the whom of some chick who's already pregnant, that would make sence... also would give another explanation to the whole "twins with two different fathers" thing that I still can't wrap my head around.
Really, all I'm trying to say, is that a fetus shouldn't be able to travel. Nor should people who are dead, that would be just as disturbing a concept.

Second issue I'd like to bring up, is that if you were a guy that was in love/married to the chick of your dreams, you might as well travel back in time or forward in time or whatever.... and have a three-some... with yourself...
Yah, also kinda distubing, but if your wife is sneaking out of your house to have sex with a younger you... might as well just have a little bit of fun. On the radio I heard that that's one of the things you should definetly try sexually once in your life, so why not, right?

Overall, the movie was hard to follow and really not impressive, and I am not impressed, but maybe that's just because I'm trying to quit caffiene and it's really hard (think quitting smoking kinda thing). But yah, if you haven't seen the movie yet, don't bother. It was totally worth the $3 we spent on it! Haha.

A Typical Convo w Grandpa

Grandpa: So, you're here, but I"ve heard you've done some travelling.

B!: Yup, I originally flew into Scotland for my friends wedding, then visited Scotland, Ireland, went on a Greek Island cruise and swung by to visit you fine people.

Grandpa: Swing by is right, I"ll blink and you'll be gone.

B!: Grandpa, you should be happy that I"m here at all... I made en effort to come down and see the baby.

Grandpa: If you were really here to see the baby, you would stayed for 3 weeks, it's not due for another 7 days.

B!: Well one could only hope it comes early grandpa. I originally came for th ewedding, almost a month ago and saved my visit to Polska for the very end.

Grandpa: Some wedding, some friend. You shoulda just spent a month here, you have that obligation to your family.

B!: But grandpa, I don't have an obligation to anyone. This trip is costing me a lot to come visit.

Grandpa: How much?

B!: A lot grandpa, but I wanted to come.

Grandpa: Well then you must be rich then, just throwing money around to come down for a wedding, to wander around Greece.

B!: I"m not righ. I worked hard all summer and thought that I deserved to treat myself to a vacation.

Grandpa: Well, who takes a vacation in the fall? That's what the summer is for!

B!: But I was working all summer grandpa.

Grandpa: Well then that's just stupid doing it that way.

B!: Anyway, I went to a wedding and saw Greece and don't regrett it.

Grandpa: Saw Greece! What's there to see in Greece? I coulda given you some postcards to look at, woulda been cheaper!

B!: You've got to be didding grandpa, there's old ruins to see, and beautiful islands, and I got a tan... you can't get a tan from a postcard.

Grandpa: Yah, that's what you need, is a tan. The sun is going to kill you.

B!: And I made some friends...

Grandpa: People from a boat aren't friends... they're just talking to you cuz they were drunk.

ect. ect.

Fun memory from the Ship

You know those shirts that you see at stores such as SanDiego with the perfect bikini body drawn on an oversized tshirt? They have them for men as well, body builder type shirts. Think aprons with naked chefs, but in tshirt beach body form. Well, that is what I saw a really really cute elderly couple wearing on the ship... both decked out to sit by the pool. It made my day. Aside from my mother I didn't think anyone purchased those!

Castle

I think the 21st century should bring back castles. Think about it, if you had a huge ass castle with super thick walls and cannons and such, no one would think about attacking a "White Castle" the same way they would the White House (mmm, little burgers, white castle). You could always try to comb a castle as well as the White House (even with hardcore security system of not flying overhead... but that could be bypassed). But imaging having someone fly into a castle like they did the twin towers... we'd laugh it off and call him an idiot... cuz no one fuks with a castle... especially a fantastically modern one.

My Mom's Ex is Gay.

Wow, when my mother told me I could stay with her ex-bf, I thought that was a bit awkward, but whatever., he seemed like a nice enough guy. I guess the emo haircut at the age of 60 coulda gave it away if my gay-dar wasn't so unbelievably off. I did realize however, that when I don't personally know a person... I like to snoop... and so when he went out, I looked through his cds and such, coming across gay porn. I guess putting that together with the naked statue of an indian jacking off and the male ass with bday wishes postcard attached to his wall, I shoulda caught on. But no, not I, I shrugged it off thining "to each their own, Sophie wanted to watch gay porn once as a joke, maybe it's the same type of thing".
But when my mother called today saying he had sent her an email telling her we spent the day together, he ased what I thought of him... and I hesitated for a second before asking "hey mom, have you ever considered that maybe, you're ex boyfriend, maybe, kinda, might be gay?", to which my mom said "but he is gay" in such a way that it had been so obvious. Right, My moms ex boyfriend... you didn't consider your mom's ex was gay? WTF! But really, leave it to my mom to fall in love with a gay guy! *sigh* where's Soph and her gay-dar when I need it?

Grandma's house... punishment?

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My Life: A Sob Story.

I picture myself walkin into a room and the "muah, muah, muah" sound effects go off. "AnnaB's life as a sob story" the narrarrator announces. Yup, a series of unfortunate events, as related to AnnaB. I then thought about how I write song lyrics all the time, and I"m surprised they're not all to the tune of the blues...

I got the.... my bag's missing and I'm totally glad I grabbed my white sweater to use as a pillow and I knew that putting my toothbrush back inside was a mistake, but now I stand here freezing outside of the London airport without any luggage.... blues... da na na na na...

I got the... my trip was going too well and so I'm not surprised that something went awall for me to be contemplating even going to visit grandpa or just saying fuk it cuz I feel like someone's laughing about this and I think I deserve to have fun but I"m not right now.... blues..... da na na na na...