Who says you can't make up your own drama?

Backstory: As a new years resolution for 2010, I've decided to expand my social circle. The plan -2 phone numbers a week! As it's easier for me to flirt/befriend males rather than females, I now have a few "prospects" in my phone.

Wings: All I wanted to do last night was to go out for some wings at my neighbourhood pub. I txt'd my roommates, with no positive response... Txt'd C-Dawg, and got a "maybe". And therefore, I started txt'ing my "new friends". I sent a shout to the snowboarder I picked up the day before St. Paddy's, and to Superfly, whom I had met working over the weekend. I also txt'd ArmyGuy and HomesliceWButta'... But inevitably I ended up at the bar alone waiting for C-Dawg, and expecting only him.

**sidenote: snowboarder story: I had been in hanging with Girlie wandering around shops and getting our hair did in a kind of "girls day". I walked into a snowboarding shop thinking I should buy the overdue boots/binding for the board I got, so I could be a step closer to trying to learn hot to "shread". After flirting to get a good deal, and that not happening, I decided I'd be more likely to spend $300 on booze than a snowboard. And therefore I looked at the guy in the store saying "what time you drinking at tomorrow?" and after getting a response, closing the deal with "awesome, I'm down, what's your name and number?"**

The story: After a walk and a traveller, I sit down at the bar and shoot the shit with the barkeep who tells me I'm not officially a "loner" if I'm meeting someone. (Apparently I have to get stood up to get that nice title). Then a guy walks up to me, says hello as if he knows me, and taking off his jacket sits down beside me. I make small talk with him for 5mins before I realize it's "snowboarder guy". And after another 5mins of converstation, he says "I don't even know your name!" Who does that? Meets up with randoms whos name is not even common knowledge?

C-Dawg walked into the bar soon after, sitting down on the other side of me, converses a bit with my new friend, and orders a water. (Damn my friends are lame!) I'm on my 2nd drink by now and laughing to myself as the boys talk to me, and try to befriend eachother, apparently having skateboarded together before. As I'm fishing for things to talk about with the boy to my left (snowboarder) and sharing promo-work drama with C-Dawg to my right, I'm also txt'ing a guyfriend of mine.

The guyfriend, swings by the bar to say hello, seeing me with 2 guys he's never met on either side of me. I'm laughing even harder on the inside at my situation, and am now only paying attention to him, ignoring the boys to my sides. And as I decide to walk him out, stopping to makingout with him in the "hallway", Superfly and his friend walk in!

Haha, snowboarder and C-Dawg are now friends, me having left them alone for a bit, and Superfly and his friend are trying to establish themselves at the bar, walking over to talk to me periodically. I'm cramping up from laughing at the inside, and drinks and shots continue. The bartender starts to mention the multitude of boys sitting around me, and asking me who I'm going home with. Everyone puts their money on C-Dawg apparently ignoring the boy I was makingout with, but leave with C-Dawg I eventually do.

And after walking him to his place, I decide to find my own way home. No deal. After wanderings, I come to a dead end and decide that I'm not going to backtrack. There's a fence with a hole in the middle, and a huge field/hill on the other side. Sketchy to the normal person at 2am, but not I. I climb the "hill of death" (Prince of Wales reference) which leads to a bench overlooking the city, where I sit for a few minutes. Damn, I wish I had another traveller. After catching a wind and running down the other side of the hill, I followed the lights towards SAIT and found my way home, still laughing to myself about the night of drama that none of my female friends got to witness.

Lost in Anger and Frustration

Have you ever gotten yourself lost in someone elses drama? Ever woken up feeling beyond angry, and not knowing why? And then when you assess what the source of the frustration is, you realize that it has NOTHING to do with you? That's how I've been feeling the past couple days. Unable to control things that frustrate me, unable to make other people see my viewpoint on situations, and unable to make my friends happy.

Me, I don't like to lose. I don't like to feel out of control, and I hate feeling helpless. But there's only so much you could do before you do feel like you can't fix things, and that feeling drowns you inside. When I get to that point, I ALWAYS walk away. Although being unable to help kills me, sooner or later you have to cut your losses, acknowledge that things are out of your control, and walk away.

I thought about stuff that has to do with me the other day. I have no drama. Absolutely nothing. Not that has to do 100% with me anyway. And I think about myself a lot, so if there was anything drama-esque, I feel like I would've found it.
I tried to make some drama up. Pretend that there was a web of lies within my friends and that I was the naive stupid girl. Shit, maybe I'll be surprised and it'll turn out to be true. But then I was told "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" and so I wait for "my drama" to unfold. I wait to find out about the wife/kids/dog that would blow my mind, and shock me.

I just wish I could pass along some of my boring contentment to others... without taking on their bullshit drama and heartache.
And those are my afternoon thoughts for today.

The Hierarchy of Friends.

*prefix* Whether you've ever met me/hung out with me/heard about me/or know me really, really well... you have to accept one thing about me, before any kind of relationship can develop. (well, you don't really have to, but if you don't, you will VERY quickly become frustrated and walk away. So why even bother?). I think I'm always right. Always. I love to argue and am willing to listen to/debate/be converted to your way of thinking, but since I am always right, chances of that happening is slim.

Because I can be overly-harsh with people, some assume that I don't think before I speak. Or that I don't consider the consequences of my actions. But I do. Always. And 99% of the time, I would not change those spoken words, or those committed actions... because they happened for a reason!

*the backstory* Let's rewind a couple of months to back when Not-N2 and I were still friends. Our most frequent argument was about the fact that "I treat different people different ways" and that "I would go out of my way to hurt some people more than others". I agreed with the first but disagreed with the second. I believe I could read personalities fairly well and since I like to test people, I always want to know how much of my "shit" people could handle, that's why I come across as mean. (Inevitably, I am who I am and can't stop everyone from crying about the things I say, but I'm okay with that)
The "treating people differently" I admit to doing. Everyone does it. Not-N2's argument was that it was "unfair", as if I should treat everyone exactly the same. Please tell me that you'd talk to your mother the same way you'd talk to your drinking buddy. Or to my boss the same way you'd talk to a 10year old bully. If you ever tell me that you treat your best friend the same way that you treat an acquaintance, or that you treat your boyfriend the same way you treat Joe down the street, I should introduce you to Not-N2, because I think that's a load of shit!

And now for a story of how another one of my friendships came to an 'end' because I didn't control my actions, or... just do what I was told! (The "happy couple" involved, will be referred to as 'her' and 'him')

*the story* Back in the city from a stressful work-weekend away, I'm in the car with 'her'. We're going to pick up 'him'. Everyone is exhausted and needing a "time out". Attitudes, like punches in a boxing rink are swinging at one another, and I've just decided that I've had enough of 'the happy couple's' shit for the weekend. If anything I don't agree with is spoken, I'm no longer "playing along", I'm no longer holding my tongue or being nice. I'm done!

So as we're driving to get 'him', my friend sitting in the driver seat, and me in the passenger, I'm the bitch that says "I hope he likes sitting in the back" while buckling my seatbelt. (some would say: "a mean thing to say" but (as my roommates pointed out) totally justifiable, since he's a boy, and I'm in the front seat to begin with). Asking me to get out and move to the back would be ridiculous, right? Apparently not. And therefore, I lose my shit! My anger is twofold:
1. When on the phone with 'him' my friend felt the need to give him a "heads up" about me sitting in the front (if that's not a girl screaming "please don't hit me!" on the inside, I don't know what is). Simultaneously, it's a slap in my face as she's just broken the friendship code. I had told her I wasn't moving no longer than 30secs prior. Note to self-she tells him EVERYTHING!
2. As we continue driving to pick the prick up, she looks at me with that doe-eyed look and says "can you please get in the back? I don't want to fight with him". (My response to this comes from a weekend of anger because of their fuked up relationship) Being a bitch, I ask in a "are you fuken-kidding-me" kinda yell: "Oh yeah? would you rather fight with me?" Then, I start up a screaming match of "mock" arguments between her and I, from her perspective (the girl he's gonna make cry at the end of the night) and mine (the frustrated friend that wants her to realize how far backwards she's bending over for the douchebag). I scream for 3minutes in a deafening manner with no response from her, hoping she'll get the picture and realize that I'm right. She asks me to switch seats. I ask her to pull over. The end.

*suffix* The Hierarchy of Friends works in different ways. Boyfriends can be more important than friends. But is the boyfriend #1? Would he sit in the front seat if your mother or grandmother was in the car? Don't get me wrong, people like the front seat, that's why "shotgun" was invented, after all. But we hit a whole new dynamic when you ask a person to GET OUT of the vehicle and SWITCH SPOTS on a car ride that will take less than 10mins, for no other reason then 'your bf will pick a fight with you'!!!
This blog is not about a seat in a car, it's actually about me being stubborn, and correct. (Haha, no.) I have my bullshit limit, the same way Not-N2 had hers. I could've kept my mouth shut on that ride home, done what my friend asked, and we'd still be on good terms. But I CANNOT justify being treated like shit, so that she could be nice to a boy that treats her like shit. Fine. From her perspective, the boyfriend is more important then herfriends, alright. But now she's gone and disrespected me, and I THINK that's not okay!
At the end of the day everyone chooses their battles. My friend chose not to fight with 'him' but rather me instead. Well, BRING IT! Because I don't regret my actions, and I do think I'm right.

Shoes?

prefix: I've had a few drinks last night, then hot tubed and gambled and drank and hot tubed, and then, well, eventually passed out. This morning wasn't a disaster or anything, but it was funny.

The conversation: Girlie & The Magician stopped by the my room early in the am. I opened the door (after putting pants on) and came out, wearing pants/tank top/barefoot.
Girlie (wearing socks): "Shoes?"
Me: No.
Girlie: "But, shoes!"
Me (looking down at her in socks and me barefoot): "No!"
Girlie (looking confused): "Will they let us into the restaurant without shoes?"
Me (shrugs): "I dunno"
Magician (frustrated): "Really Girlie, just used your words!, can Girlie get some shoes?"
Me (dumbfounded): "Oh, YOU want shoes".

This is how the conversation went in my head:
Girlie: hey, are you gonna wear any shoes?
Me: No!
Girlie: really, you're not gonna wear any shoes?
Me: You're not wearing any, neither am I.
Girlie: do you think we'll get in trouble?
Me: That's a risk I'm willing to take
Magician: For fuk sakes, give my gf some fuken shoes
Me: oh shit, YOU wanted shoes. Who knew.

the thought process in the morning was way too much to take.

The Makings of a Good Weekend.

I'm supposed to be working a Speedstick sampling promo in Calgary right now. Instead, I'm hanging out in Native-land, at a casino, where, at 1am, no one is gambling, but instead, everyone is sleeping. The O-town, S-Club7, B4-4 and Good Charlotte videos amused me for a while, but gimme a break, something has to be going on around here.

As BabyMama gets some money for covering my ass under the table for this weekend, I will be giving out food with the Magician, who's already gotten me to run errans for him, and Girlie, who thought it was a good idea to wear heals to the ski hill... amongst others.

The hot tub chill sessions are rather amusing, and I guess the waterslide doesn't hurt, but overall the day's been uneventful and therefore I'm trying to start up some drama for none-other than my amusement.

Beefs:
-who the fuk wears high heels to a ski hill?!? For a girl who doesn't appreciate being called "Girlie" on my blog, or at least denies (for the most part) being one, this is fuking ridiculous. I might as well have worn sandles out here and then looked shocked when people made fun of me! -Mr. Cool, if you can't afford the bad habit, fuken quit! No one tells you to smoke, and having someone else buy your cigarettes for you is gheyness. As the roomie just bitched about that to your gf, I find it hillarious that less than 48hrs later, you asked for the cigarettes. At least Boss-man humoured you. That was nice of him.
-The fact that someone calls me at 8am and requests that I work that weekend frustrates me to the equivalent of a boy calling at 3am to get some ass. I said yes, I always do, but I am aware of my stupidity.
-And the room situation ended up giving me a choice. Like a 'which is worse' statement going through it over and over in my head, is what that was. I chose the one I could argue with, without it resulting in tears. We'll see if drama follows. (to be continued...)

-At least Jack's cool. (Yah the one everyone's thinking of, though he shows up sporatically) but the other one as well. I found out that we have common-opinions, and therefore am amused.
-And the green dye still on my hand from the night before still puts a smile on my face. But at the end of the day, I can't complain for being in the mountains and getting paid for it!

Excitement.

I am so excited for a month from now. A Toronto-based friend might actually come to visit! Drinking, partying, and roadtrips? Roomie, Blogger, you're invited!

Creativity.

One of the reasons I'm obsessed with acoustic guitar - is because I can't do it. I mean, there's a lot of things I don't know how to do: fix cars, cook, be nice... but musicians impress me just because they're using their creativity and so many other people have access to it. Even if I were to ever write lyrics for a song, I'd need someone with an acoustic to add a melody for me.

So with a flashback to my Energy Radio days, in part created by a boy that was in town this last week for the autoshow, I remembered about my parodies. My song lyrics written to other artists melodies. And here are my masterpieces, for your entertainment.

"Leaving in my Green Jeep" -Written to Leaving on a Jet Plane, John Denver
Well my bags are packed and I'm ready to leave,
I'm in my Jeep and waiting for Steve,
I hate to stay in town when we should drive.
But the clock is ticking, we're running behind
I'm getting restless, wish time could rewind,
If I don't fall asleep we might survive.

So don't bug me or frustrate me
Tell me that you'll drive for me
Don't play me mellow music, cuz it's slow

Cuz we're leaving in my Green Jeep
that's prolly where we're gonna sleep
Dude, our roadtrips are fuuuuuuuuuk'd

There's so many times you've pissed me off
and so many times I've had enough,
but we get through that fine and be on our way...

Cuz we're leaving... in my Green Jeep....
this song was written about my friend Stevo and I who used to go on many roadtrips to see punk rock shows together... but personality clashes and his lack of standard-vehicle-driving-ability, smoking habits, and hungriness, always lead to arguements

"Hurt Like Hell" -Gives you Hell by All American Rejects
struttin down the street bet they hurt like hell, bet they hurt like hell
cute, but your poor feet bet the hurt like hell, bet they hurt like hell

when you find a pair that doesn't kill, better treat them well
the best of luck, nice shoes all suck,bet they hurt like hell

you go out in the evening,with excitement in your eyes
but deep down you know it's lies
and you keep always wondering,if it's weakness this implies
wonder if it ends in cries...

but honestly you don't care...
but actually you're lying...

struttin down the street,bet they hurt like hell, bet they hurt like hell....
I'm not a tomboy, and I do like pretty girl shoes, but inevitably, my opinion lies in the "if you can't jump a fence in them, I don't want to be wearing them" mentality, so this song is about the pretty shoes girls wear

"My Life, Your Joke" -to RothKungFu by the Salads
Got me a coke in my hand,
been here longer than planned
and I can't figure out how to phone a friend.
busy airport, is really just kickin my ass
got some JD with me, but some ice would be nice.

Now the warning announcements annoy me,
and the crying of kids, it destroys me
the cold metal seats don't console me,
but the rules of my travels control me!

Fuk off, and let me sit here, sing my tune
Fuk off, shoulda been in Athens 1/2 past noon
Fuk off, let me sit here drink my coke
don't piss me off, I'll make you choke,
It's my life, but it's your JOKE!
written while stuck at an airport in one of my European travels and being miserable about it. Drinking helped though.

"The Diddy" -I Touch Myself by the Divinyls
and this, is my latest creative entry.
You love yourself, you want me to love you
when I'm feeling down, it's cuz I'm around you
I hide myself, don't want you to find me
Note sure why I'm with you, why don't you remind me?

I'd rather have, anybody else,
Cuz when I think about you I CUT myself.
I'd rather be with, anybody else.. woe......

You're the one, that makes me leave running
You're nagging me, all the time
When you're around, we're always fighting
Wish I could change your kind.

I leave your side, the phonecall is from you,
Think you woulddie, if I were to ignore you,
Anyone could tell, that you're desperate for me
Get down on your knees and clean my house for me...

I'd rather have, anybody else, cuz when I think about you I CUT myself...

I encourage everybody to youtube all these videos to listen to the original songs, otherwise my creative play on words isn't nearly as amusing!

Investigated for Fraud.

Sigh. I'm semi-tired... wrapping my head around having the next few days off again, which is hard after a busy few days of work. I can't just switch my motivation switch on/off like that. But at least I'm conditioning my body to lie next to someone elses while I sleep. It'll take a few more weeks, but 1/2 sleep is better than no sleep.

And as I was having a good morning, I got the most disturbing phonecall of life, almost. It ranks up there with the "family issues" phonecalls I get from my mother, and the time I was calling Sophie to bail me out of a bad situation in Europe, only to discover the car had been crashed into. I got a phonecall from the president of one of my favorite promo companies, letting me know that I had cashed a re-issued cheque twice and was now going to be investigated for fraud.

I could be investigated for a lot of things. How genuine I am or if I truly have a heart of stone. Whether I don't mean anything I say... but fraud is absurd. I guess people who are close to me might know that, but the president of some big company doesn't give a shit.
And while being brought to tears on the phone getting reemed out for it, I still couldn't wrap my head around cashing two I identical cheques. I was mistaken... it did happen. Whoops.

I guess I do have to leave the house to fix these money issues this afternoon... and tell the company once again that it was a mistake and I am really really sorry, though I still don't recall doing it. Fuck! and I was having such a good day!

Random thought.

Today after my 12hr shift at work, I went to bartend a house party with girlie. At set party, a girl commented: "I wish lemons didn't have seeds in them. They're so awesome, but then the seeds ruin everything!"

Now, if you know me at all. I eat lemons and lime whole, as if it's nobodys business. That's my thing, it's what I do, and I love it. But it got me thinking... if we could get seedless watermelons and seedless grapes and seedless mandarin oranges... why the fuk can't we get some seedless lemons.

I think I have a new beef with this. That's my random 4am thought. Tomorrow at work is gonna suck balls!

Running around.

It makes me so tired when I give everything to do a really good job at a promo. On my feet all day, talking non-stop, exceeding number expectations... and when I stop, the adrenaline kicks in and I can't stop. I ran to the grocery store after my 11hr day today. Then ran home, and kicked it Ashley styles... tostito party by myself (jalepenos included) with a JD and coke, while sitting at the computer answering work emails.

I ran in the kitchen from the fridge to stove to unpacking groceries to making myself a drink and feeding the cat.
And once I start working, I don't know how to say no to work (ask those closest to me for details. And therefore I am entered in for a 16hr day tomorrow, and another long day on Monday.

Woe is me... until payday comes.
Time to chug my drink, shower, and head'er to bed.