Paranoia

Paranoia is such a foreign concept to me... like compassion... yeah I've heard of the term and maybe have seen others go through phases of it, but it never really registered with me.

I'm the person who likes to hitchhike in foreign countries, and travel by myself. I climb mountains without a harness and never really think twice about anything bad happening. And when something goes wrong, I'm the first to justify it. To find an explanation, even if it may be unreasonable.

When "bad stuff" happens, I do one of two things: I ignore it, and continue on as if nothing happened and life is perfect. Or I walk away. I move to a different place, or I distance myself. But never have I experienced a feeling, where bad stuff happened, and therefore made me paranoid afterward. I've never had the need to be suspicious of everything and everyone, doubtful that they were telling me the truth and unsure if I could trust them.

Nope, that's never happened before. That's probably why I've had about 6 wallets/purses stolen and my jeep broken into like 10 times, while parked in the same parking lot. I shrug it off and go on thinking that it won't happen again.

But now, for the first time in my life, I'm terrified that stuff might "go wrong" again, and am paranoid.

I just don't know how all you paranoid people out there deal with this feeling everyday? I mean, a couple hours and I feel sick to my stomach, I can't imagine this on a regular basis. I must fix it.