...too bad feelings get in the way...

On an episode of "Saved by the Bell", Zack said "I love school, too bad classes get in the way". That's my opinion of school as well. Thinking back on the years during which I went to college,I remember good times and good friends. Classes were indeed an inconvenience that took time out of my drinking and socializing schedule. Eventually class (aside from the 1 or 2 that I enjoyed) became a place that you could meet up with friends, to hang out when it was done. "Will you be at stats?, sweet, wanna grab breakfast after?"

I feel simularly about life. "Life is awesome, too bad feelings get in the way".
I thought I grew accustomed to life and the feelings and fights it had in store for me, but I was wrong. I only grew accustomed to other people's feelings. Other people would get upset with me or angry at what I said. Anything that directly involved me was only a "tiff" that you'd roll your eyes and it would pass. (I don't like those strong emotions) But I think for the first time in my life, I now have to acknowledge that I do indeed have feelings... but only when it comes to one person. I feel the joy and sadness that doesn't only come from attending a punk-rock concert. But subsequently, I also shed tears that aren't ones involving me cross-legged-and-drunk on a kitchen floor.

I'm not sure I've wrapped my head around this whole feelings thing yet. I think that avoiding it my whole life has worked out great so far. The most pain I'd feel, was that from the jumping-jacks I'd have to do for having hurt your feelings. And even now, I don't care what you think of me. Just this one person. How'd he manage to get in anyway?

Tears in my Eyes

Does anyone remember my post about gatorade being like McDonalds arches? One of my better posts I think. The point of it was, that after a night of drinking, the crawl out of bed to grab a beverage to quench your thirst in the morning, is a difficult one. This is my story:

My numbers game is back on. I need to get another 28 (penalty) phone numbers before the game could re-start. Then I need to catch up on the weeks I've overlooked. Not an easy task, but one I'm up for. Therefore, I've decided that hanging out at bars is the easiest way to do so, and my beloved "power hour" (an hour of hardcore drinking at my favorite bar) is the highlight of my uneventful days.

Yesterday's power hour was fun, as I introduced my new friend "FireKracker" to it, and in true awesome form, she went for the gold. 3 vodka-sodas, 3 long islands, 3 shots of tequila, and 2 vodka-redbulls later, the hour was over. *dual meaning* Hahaha. But I kept up (mostly), drinking well and having fun.

The point: Though I slept in till noon, as I've not nowhere to be, the motivation to get out of bed, put on some clothes *damn cold house* and wander upstairs to pee/hydrate ended in disappointment, as when I opened my fridge door neither my gatorade nor my sunny-dee was anywhere to be found. Talk about putting tears in my eyes first thing in the morning.

Alone in the house I could scream all I want, simultaneously wishing I could smash stuff. But that doesn't bring my gatorade back.

Indifference.

I found that I'm growing to dislike people more.
I work along-side them and purposly walk to the other side of the display. Away from the meaningless stupid conversations. I don't want to hear your stories. I don't want to share any of mine with you.

For the first time in my life, I think I prefer silence.
My own thoughts will keep me company. And I'm not even thinking of anything that important.
Oh 12hr shifts.

Life is a Disappointment

I don't actually believe these words that I write.
I don't believe that the guyfriend would intentionally try to hurt me or that I won't overcome the not-so-awesome days I've been having.

I went to my favorite place in the world recently, the mountans that make me smile no matter what mood I'm in.
I still cried more than I should have...*shrugs* but at least I did so in a beautiful place.