The season of autumn, seems to be a time of uncertainty for me. Although I felt the anticipation coming as the days had begun to get shorter and the cold weather returned, more than just the natural characteristics put my in a tense mood when September comes. When 'regular' youth return to school, and the rest of society goes back to their regular jobs after having taken summer holidays... my promotional world inevitably becomes inverted, and I feel most lost. Promotions run best in the summertime, and after that I'm usually left struggling for work.
Two years ago at this time, I said "screw it" and went off to the UK and Europe not thinking about the money it would cost me to go or how I would get around. I figured I'd just make it up as I go along. Last year, i was facing unemployment and indifference, and this year, I'm trying to keep an optimistic attitude where the job situation lies.
I came to these realizations via facebook of all mechanisms. The post told me what my update was 2 years ago, and the year before. Seems like when the leaves start falling, my life turns the same shade of brown and uneventfulness.
Maybe this year will break the mold?
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
These days, I've become semi-lame and unsocial. Not in general, but more-so when it comes to my night life. The non-summer-like weather has caused me to reflect on where I spend my time and what I spend it doing. Normally hangouts at the pub down the road are my idea of a successful night out, but with the bar taking away my favorite drink specials during the imfamous "power hour", and firing all but one of my favorite staff, the act of consuming alcohol has lost it's essance also. Tuesday is usually known as date night, where my best friend and I venture across town to a movie theatre that allows us to bee below-average movie theatres for ridiculously low prices. It's become a tradition among us, getting us out of the house and giving us the feeling that we are somehow tied in to the rest of society because we had shared the expeience of 2 wasted hours at a medeocre movie. But the friend and I have stopped hanging out due to a dumb dispute and stubbornness, and with NE ctrain construction, I opt out of going more often than not. This week migh also be the last week during which I have a job. Hopefully that's not the case, but it is a possibility as the work was summer-based. The finding of a new gig may complicate my life a bit also. But the next few days are filled with 7am start time and rush-hour commutes which I am thankful for, along with the employment. As I left my house at 6:10 this morning, I walked down to the train in a daze. When I heard a noise super close behind me in the shadows, I freaked the fuk out. Turns out I had cut a guy off or nearly walked into him on the path. It's dark but that was kind of ridiculous. He decided to strike up a conversation about his roommates and being awake, wich I quickly ended, cuz fuk buddy, no one wants to speak to randoms first thing in the morning. And now I am at work, trying to make the world a less litter-filled place, hoping that more people care to fix the environment rather than continuing to destroy it.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
This Year is Gonna Have to Work Hard to Top This One!
I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life: practised many unsafe driving habits @ 160km/hr to various concerts around North America. Vacationed alone in Europe numerous time (some more dangerous than others). I've looked for a thrill via bungie jumping, and ziplining... that one time I tried buggy boarding for like a second, and hurt myself. I've scaled a mountain, and reached a peak, by myself, only to fall off on the way down... whoops, that's gonna hurt for a while.
Most recently, after being down on my life and how it's recently shaped up, I was in desperate need for a thrill, and what better way to get it, than running with bulls.
The deal: Bull running is very popular in Spain, once a year, I believe. People travel from all over the world and run the streets with these mean creatures. I found out however, that Canada has a bull running event too. The bulls have their horns clipped and it's done on a stampede ground, but that sounds dangerous enough for me.
How it went down: A crew of amazing thrill-seekers, and myself get put into a rink (kinda like a track) alone with other persons equaling a total of 80 humans. 3 rounds of bulls are released, ranging from 1200 lbs, to 1600 lbs, and do 3 laps each, before releasing the next size bull. 9 rounds to survive.
When I chickened out: It was lap 7 and I was minding my own business, jogging beside a 1600 lb bull. Then some guy went and smacked the bull, to which it stopped and stared at me and taking 2 steps in my direction. I walked backward toward the gate, still exposed to bull, heart pounding. He seemed to forget it and turned the other direction, at which point i relaxed a bit, until some other asshole smacked his ass, and ran. The bull (big mother-fuker) took 3 quick steps towards me, me 1/2 way up the gate, sticking my ass out at him, not knowing what to do. He came super close, staring me down the whole time, and ultimately when his friend started running, he went with him.
I just jumped across the other side of that gate saying "Fuk it, that bull has it out for me, next time he does a lap, he'll sideswipe me for sure - I'm out"
Now what is the goal of bullrunning? To scare the living shit out of yourself. Mission accomplished. I could say I did it, not sure if I'll be super keen on doing it again anytime soon... unless you know, I end up in Spain, in which case, passing up the opportunity would just be silly.
Most recently, after being down on my life and how it's recently shaped up, I was in desperate need for a thrill, and what better way to get it, than running with bulls.
The deal: Bull running is very popular in Spain, once a year, I believe. People travel from all over the world and run the streets with these mean creatures. I found out however, that Canada has a bull running event too. The bulls have their horns clipped and it's done on a stampede ground, but that sounds dangerous enough for me.
How it went down: A crew of amazing thrill-seekers, and myself get put into a rink (kinda like a track) alone with other persons equaling a total of 80 humans. 3 rounds of bulls are released, ranging from 1200 lbs, to 1600 lbs, and do 3 laps each, before releasing the next size bull. 9 rounds to survive.
When I chickened out: It was lap 7 and I was minding my own business, jogging beside a 1600 lb bull. Then some guy went and smacked the bull, to which it stopped and stared at me and taking 2 steps in my direction. I walked backward toward the gate, still exposed to bull, heart pounding. He seemed to forget it and turned the other direction, at which point i relaxed a bit, until some other asshole smacked his ass, and ran. The bull (big mother-fuker) took 3 quick steps towards me, me 1/2 way up the gate, sticking my ass out at him, not knowing what to do. He came super close, staring me down the whole time, and ultimately when his friend started running, he went with him.
I just jumped across the other side of that gate saying "Fuk it, that bull has it out for me, next time he does a lap, he'll sideswipe me for sure - I'm out"
Now what is the goal of bullrunning? To scare the living shit out of yourself. Mission accomplished. I could say I did it, not sure if I'll be super keen on doing it again anytime soon... unless you know, I end up in Spain, in which case, passing up the opportunity would just be silly.
Explanation
Hello there... I feel like I owe the internet world (and distant friends) an explanation... I have had a few adventures over the past 2 months... but have written about none of them, and this is my explanation:
There are few times in my life when I just don't feel like writing. Those times are ones of sadness. I could write about stuff when it's interesting and rather comical, because I find my words flow together nicely.
I could write when I'm venting or pissed off about something, because then it becomes an exaggerated tamper tantrum of cussing over the internet... also to be taken in a rather amusing fashion.
But when I'm upset, I just like to be upset by my lonesome, or with my friends at the pub around the corner.
Earlier this year, I went through a break-up (which I'm almost over... yay me) which took away my writing ability. And most recently, I found myself to be living in a hostile home environment, which in turn directed me to avoiding my house altogether, therefore keeping me away from computers and venting.
As things have evened out recently, I should be able to start writing again, though the lack of flowers discourages me. Ashley, if you're gonna ask for a blog, at least follow it (geez)! ;)
There are few times in my life when I just don't feel like writing. Those times are ones of sadness. I could write about stuff when it's interesting and rather comical, because I find my words flow together nicely.
I could write when I'm venting or pissed off about something, because then it becomes an exaggerated tamper tantrum of cussing over the internet... also to be taken in a rather amusing fashion.
But when I'm upset, I just like to be upset by my lonesome, or with my friends at the pub around the corner.
Earlier this year, I went through a break-up (which I'm almost over... yay me) which took away my writing ability. And most recently, I found myself to be living in a hostile home environment, which in turn directed me to avoiding my house altogether, therefore keeping me away from computers and venting.
As things have evened out recently, I should be able to start writing again, though the lack of flowers discourages me. Ashley, if you're gonna ask for a blog, at least follow it (geez)! ;)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Gotta Write This Quick
I've been unemployed for over 6 weeks now, and what I've noticed, is that despite doing virtually nothing, I've been rushing through life. I walk around town as if I have something I'm late for, I run for the train, even though it would make no difference if I took the next one or the one after that. I'm always feeling rushed, and in tern stressed about it, and I can't seem to figure out why.
The more I think about it, the more I blame it on technology. I always have my blackberry in my hands, looking at what time it is, and how much time has passed. How long till the next train, or that show on tv starts?
Also, I think I might be going through Waterton withdrawl, when you could tell relatively what time it was by the sun. And you're only clue of what time it was, related directly to those who had to work in the morning.
And even now, I sit in am empty theatre eating my popcorn and having time to myself, like truly. And yet my thoughts are spinning about how long it's gonna take me to get home and change before I go out for the night. And how long I can stay out before I have to get up tomorrow morning. But right now, my only worry is eating this popcorn. And posting this blog later.
The more I think about it, the more I blame it on technology. I always have my blackberry in my hands, looking at what time it is, and how much time has passed. How long till the next train, or that show on tv starts?
Also, I think I might be going through Waterton withdrawl, when you could tell relatively what time it was by the sun. And you're only clue of what time it was, related directly to those who had to work in the morning.
And even now, I sit in am empty theatre eating my popcorn and having time to myself, like truly. And yet my thoughts are spinning about how long it's gonna take me to get home and change before I go out for the night. And how long I can stay out before I have to get up tomorrow morning. But right now, my only worry is eating this popcorn. And posting this blog later.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
No thanks, I'll just stay sober.
Alright, alright, so with my past experiences of dancing on cars and seeing every live musical act that came to town, and now with my backyard fires and power hours, I know that you'd roll your eyes when you saw the title of this blog, but it's actually true.
Let's remeniss, shall we? I was the summer of my sweet 16 when I took daddy's car, and credit card and drove to Sarnia for an outdoor concert. I saw the band I was there to see and to this day, I have the video that I reorded "freaking out" cuz the band said they'd come back to my hotel room to "party" (this is also how my "groupie" title began). On the video the band asks what I drink, and my response is "I don't know" Beer? "I have no idea.
These "rockstars" came to my hotel room and I tried my hardest to stomach the beer they gave me. I got 1.5 bottles in, trying ever so hard to look cool. But soon after, got buzzed and gave up.
Years went by and I always found myself in situations when free beer was involved. High school bush/basement parties, music festivals, backstage at many a show... and eventually I stopped trying to stomach it. I remember volunteering for NXNE or CMW in Toronto and going to the after-party with a hand full of "beer" tickets - saying I would stay sober instead of drinking that shit.
And up to and including this past weekend, it still happens without fail. I ran CityChase, ran hard and tried hard on Saturday, and just wanted a shot afterward - but was offered free beer instead. Free beer. "No thanks, I'll pay the $7 for Jack instead" If I have to drink beer, I'd rather stay sober.
Let's remeniss, shall we? I was the summer of my sweet 16 when I took daddy's car, and credit card and drove to Sarnia for an outdoor concert. I saw the band I was there to see and to this day, I have the video that I reorded "freaking out" cuz the band said they'd come back to my hotel room to "party" (this is also how my "groupie" title began). On the video the band asks what I drink, and my response is "I don't know" Beer? "I have no idea.
These "rockstars" came to my hotel room and I tried my hardest to stomach the beer they gave me. I got 1.5 bottles in, trying ever so hard to look cool. But soon after, got buzzed and gave up.
Years went by and I always found myself in situations when free beer was involved. High school bush/basement parties, music festivals, backstage at many a show... and eventually I stopped trying to stomach it. I remember volunteering for NXNE or CMW in Toronto and going to the after-party with a hand full of "beer" tickets - saying I would stay sober instead of drinking that shit.
And up to and including this past weekend, it still happens without fail. I ran CityChase, ran hard and tried hard on Saturday, and just wanted a shot afterward - but was offered free beer instead. Free beer. "No thanks, I'll pay the $7 for Jack instead" If I have to drink beer, I'd rather stay sober.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Another Flashback
My good friend Army Guy took me out kayaking yesterday afternoon. It was a gorgeous day for it and I had an amazing time. I got to see the back entrance to Heritage Park, and while coming up with ridiculous stories about how we would storm the windmill throwing pebbles at it and spitting along the way, another past story of mine came to mind.
FLASHBACK: Some friends and I went to the Exhibition Place in Toronto for an outdoor concert. Edgefest is my best guess as to which one it was. We found a way to break in and see the show, as we had done it before (and at that point, I even knew some of the security, cuz they worked for more than one venue). The whole "getting into the gig for free" seemed a bit too easy for us, and so, we decided we wanted to go backstage. Conveniently, backstage was surrounded by water, as that's how the park is laid out. Impossible - nah. We ended up renting paddleboats, paddling over, then trying to ditch them, run up a hill and hop a fence. Meanwhile, musicians are watching and encouraging us.
Moral of the story: we got a slap on the wrist and a "stern talking to"... oh yah, we also met some bands... but then again, we did get kicked out of the park... and 15 minutes later, we snuck back in. Oh to be young again. I think there's a cartoon someone drew about this night somewhere...
FLASHBACK: Some friends and I went to the Exhibition Place in Toronto for an outdoor concert. Edgefest is my best guess as to which one it was. We found a way to break in and see the show, as we had done it before (and at that point, I even knew some of the security, cuz they worked for more than one venue). The whole "getting into the gig for free" seemed a bit too easy for us, and so, we decided we wanted to go backstage. Conveniently, backstage was surrounded by water, as that's how the park is laid out. Impossible - nah. We ended up renting paddleboats, paddling over, then trying to ditch them, run up a hill and hop a fence. Meanwhile, musicians are watching and encouraging us.
Moral of the story: we got a slap on the wrist and a "stern talking to"... oh yah, we also met some bands... but then again, we did get kicked out of the park... and 15 minutes later, we snuck back in. Oh to be young again. I think there's a cartoon someone drew about this night somewhere...
"Rebel - what?" then... and now.
So, the weekend just passed... and overall I had a very eventful and interesting time. So much so that I am sitting at home today, hurting - A LOT. My throat kills, my hands, arms, shoulders... fuk, everything hurts, I might as well have been in a boxing rink. But let's vaguely talk about the weekend, shall we?
Friday night I ended up downtown with a friends, having a couple drinks and hitting on a couple boys. This fun friend of mine however, LOVES talking to anyone... be it breakdancers on the streets, the fire truck driving by, and ALL police officers. Now, I tense up when cops come around... that warrant being out to get me and all. Punchline of this story: after making some policemen friends, I got a ride home in a cruiser... not because I was in trouble or anything, but mainly because I'm broke and didn't want to pay for a cab. And as I sit in the back of this police vehicle, voluntarilly, late Friday, I find myself talking shit about policemen and my past experiences with them, while biting my tongue as to not let on that there's a warrant out for me, and laughing my fuken head off on the inside, at this whole situation.
FLASHBACK: this same weekend, my friend Ellez who used to cause a ruckus with me when we were younger, tags me in a photo with the cops SHE made friends with years back. The story: we had gone to Sarnia, ON for an outdoor live show, having driven in a buddy's jeep which crapped out as soon as we got to an LCBO. Trying to have a good time, we drank our faces off from noon till 2am, hitchhiking our way through town and breaking into the outdoor gig. At 3am we were finishing off booze while waiting for CAA to drive us the 3+hours home with all of our "pooled" CAA miles. Cops come for a noise complaint, give the boys "drinking in public" charges, and flirt with the girls. Soon, my friends end up in the back of the cruiser, wearing handcuffs and taking breathalyzers for fun. I failed.
Though I didn't have a warrant out for me back then, it was still a very eventful time.
Friday night I ended up downtown with a friends, having a couple drinks and hitting on a couple boys. This fun friend of mine however, LOVES talking to anyone... be it breakdancers on the streets, the fire truck driving by, and ALL police officers. Now, I tense up when cops come around... that warrant being out to get me and all. Punchline of this story: after making some policemen friends, I got a ride home in a cruiser... not because I was in trouble or anything, but mainly because I'm broke and didn't want to pay for a cab. And as I sit in the back of this police vehicle, voluntarilly, late Friday, I find myself talking shit about policemen and my past experiences with them, while biting my tongue as to not let on that there's a warrant out for me, and laughing my fuken head off on the inside, at this whole situation.
FLASHBACK: this same weekend, my friend Ellez who used to cause a ruckus with me when we were younger, tags me in a photo with the cops SHE made friends with years back. The story: we had gone to Sarnia, ON for an outdoor live show, having driven in a buddy's jeep which crapped out as soon as we got to an LCBO. Trying to have a good time, we drank our faces off from noon till 2am, hitchhiking our way through town and breaking into the outdoor gig. At 3am we were finishing off booze while waiting for CAA to drive us the 3+hours home with all of our "pooled" CAA miles. Cops come for a noise complaint, give the boys "drinking in public" charges, and flirt with the girls. Soon, my friends end up in the back of the cruiser, wearing handcuffs and taking breathalyzers for fun. I failed.
Though I didn't have a warrant out for me back then, it was still a very eventful time.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Activities days
Hey everyone. Remember those times when I used to blog and it was awesome? Then remember the last few weeks when I became bitter and sheltered and uneventful, and wrote nothing? Well, I guess I just ran out of things to rant about, and am less opinionated than usual... Oh wait, that's not it. I have crawled into a bit of a bitter shell cuz of lack or a job and money ect ect, but I've found a distraction.
As I try to fall asleep, I think about how proud it makes me, that with the help of friends I managed to exceed my goal in gathering donations for the Underwear Affair - a walk/run that helps uncover a cure for cancers below the waist. It also got me thinking about what a great experience fundraising was.
With that, I have decided to continue getting out, trying new things, and meeting new people, especially with the promise of a great summer. So I propose this: on Wednesdays and Sundays, I shall be participating in activities days. Whether it be frizbee in the park, or a group trip somewhere random. I'm thinking 5-6ish would be fun, and after I announce an activity, I plan to do it with or without people (but with would clearly be more fun).
Now to think of a Sun/Wed activity: any ideas?
As I try to fall asleep, I think about how proud it makes me, that with the help of friends I managed to exceed my goal in gathering donations for the Underwear Affair - a walk/run that helps uncover a cure for cancers below the waist. It also got me thinking about what a great experience fundraising was.
With that, I have decided to continue getting out, trying new things, and meeting new people, especially with the promise of a great summer. So I propose this: on Wednesdays and Sundays, I shall be participating in activities days. Whether it be frizbee in the park, or a group trip somewhere random. I'm thinking 5-6ish would be fun, and after I announce an activity, I plan to do it with or without people (but with would clearly be more fun).
Now to think of a Sun/Wed activity: any ideas?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Dallas to Tampa
My vacation woes, are getting kinda sillyI curse below my breath, and sigh angrillilly
I've seen an airport an airport an airport a plane, an airport, a plane
My bad time miscalculation
and my lack of concentration
storm warning, a long day, delayed takeoff
my mood's hit a place, that's hard to shakeoff
my 7 hour trip, is really 22
my 4pm landing is in am, and at 2...
and I sit, and I read, and I try to sleep
and I drink and I blog and I refuse to weep
cuz life is an adventure, that's what traveling's for
if I made no mistakes, I'd peg my life as a bore
but there's still (like) 4 hours, till I find my hostel and drop
so I sit here, kill time, with my Jack and my pop (sorry, soda)
*words written about missing my flight and having tornado warnings delay my 2nd flight only to get to my destination a day later... once again*
Sometimes, you have unfortunate luck.
So everyone, I recently went on a vacation to Florida by myself. This vacation involved a lot of drinking, a lot of random and fantastic people, some partying, and some great adventures. But with all the good stuff, sometimes you stumble along some bad.
The last "job" I had, happened to be a promotion for a wicked awesome cell phone. It went on for 6 weeks or so and I had a great time doing it. But 2 shifts prior to wrapping everything up, I spilt a bottle of pop in my purse, ruined it, and cried a bit about it.
Similarly, while on vacation, I survived all these great places with my digital camera: the cruise ship I was on, the pool we took pics beside, the bars where beverages were getting spilled, and the boat I went para-sailing off of. And behold, the night before my flight back, while walking in downtown Tampa, I slipped and fell into the river, sending my camera into the water with me.
This is where the story gets good:
Although I may not always keep my composure while hanging out with friends, I completely lose my mind and just do whatever comes to me first when I'm by myself (especially when alcohol is involved... and let's be realistic - when is it not?). There are 2 stories I am willing to disclose, because, realistically, they're just too ridiculous to keep to myself...
1. I am the girl who "trespassed" onto a private yaught club to wander around, check out the boats, take a nap on their amazing hammocks, and take pictures by the water. I walked up to all of the staff, smiled and said hello, while wearing as little as possible... and when using their facilities, I totally stole like a hand full of tampons - cuz you know, they were free, and I'm a rebel. Pft, rich people and their free feminine products, take that!
2. I am the girl who slipped on some seaweed while trying to dip my feet in the river downtown. This was after I walked through a city garden, stepping on a rose bush branch which punctured through my sandal and into my foot. *ouch, tetanus shot* After sitting, soaked from the waist down laughing at myself, I went into the first 5-star hotel to get cleaned up. Rich people - you might pay $300 a night to stay in some fancy place, but I'm the girl in her bikini, ringing out her shorts in your prestigious bathroom... Those door men gave me a look straight out of "Pretty Woman" when I walked in.
And with that, I shrug, get on with my day, and find another convenience store that sells booze, because when you have unfortunate luck, you just gotta do something that makes you laugh, or at least smile at the memory of...
SIDENOTE **if anyone wants to purchase me a new cell phone or digital camera, it'd be greatly appreciated, cuz my vacation left me broke!**
The last "job" I had, happened to be a promotion for a wicked awesome cell phone. It went on for 6 weeks or so and I had a great time doing it. But 2 shifts prior to wrapping everything up, I spilt a bottle of pop in my purse, ruined it, and cried a bit about it.
Similarly, while on vacation, I survived all these great places with my digital camera: the cruise ship I was on, the pool we took pics beside, the bars where beverages were getting spilled, and the boat I went para-sailing off of. And behold, the night before my flight back, while walking in downtown Tampa, I slipped and fell into the river, sending my camera into the water with me.
This is where the story gets good:
Although I may not always keep my composure while hanging out with friends, I completely lose my mind and just do whatever comes to me first when I'm by myself (especially when alcohol is involved... and let's be realistic - when is it not?). There are 2 stories I am willing to disclose, because, realistically, they're just too ridiculous to keep to myself...
1. I am the girl who "trespassed" onto a private yaught club to wander around, check out the boats, take a nap on their amazing hammocks, and take pictures by the water. I walked up to all of the staff, smiled and said hello, while wearing as little as possible... and when using their facilities, I totally stole like a hand full of tampons - cuz you know, they were free, and I'm a rebel. Pft, rich people and their free feminine products, take that!
2. I am the girl who slipped on some seaweed while trying to dip my feet in the river downtown. This was after I walked through a city garden, stepping on a rose bush branch which punctured through my sandal and into my foot. *ouch, tetanus shot* After sitting, soaked from the waist down laughing at myself, I went into the first 5-star hotel to get cleaned up. Rich people - you might pay $300 a night to stay in some fancy place, but I'm the girl in her bikini, ringing out her shorts in your prestigious bathroom... Those door men gave me a look straight out of "Pretty Woman" when I walked in.
And with that, I shrug, get on with my day, and find another convenience store that sells booze, because when you have unfortunate luck, you just gotta do something that makes you laugh, or at least smile at the memory of...
SIDENOTE **if anyone wants to purchase me a new cell phone or digital camera, it'd be greatly appreciated, cuz my vacation left me broke!**
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Florida Pt 1
As we sat in the Dallas airport, in the plane, yet on the ground because of Tornado warnings, everyone grew agitated, and I just wanted the day to be over. I had missed my 6am flight, and now, the 8pm connector was delayed. We finally got off the ground at 10pm, with promises that we had enough fuel to fly the detour route. I tried to sleep, but inevitably ended up drinking Jack and writing (I'll post it later).
We got to Tampa, FL at 1am and I sat outside by myself for an hour waiting for the SuperShuttle to take me to my hostel. I sang, and danced a little, some car parking guy tried to hit on me, I tried to do tricks in a wheelchair till I hurt myself... A luxury car pulled up just after 2, and the man was wonderful. He told me that I was gonna be staying in the sketchy part of the city (fantastic) and right before we got to the hostel he had never heard of, a black cat cut in front of me.
I broke into the hostel and tried to walk around all stelth like, meanwhile two english boys sat by the pool, wasted, and watching me. The owner was supposed to leave me a "note" telling me where to stay, and as it was past 3am, he wasn't gonna be awake. Unfortunately, there was no note either, except one telling me to stop being angry and start enjoying myself... but then I realized that was meant for a girl named Jody.
The hostel was wicked awesome, but I was too tired to make friends. The one boy gave me the grand tour, I find a room with a girl in one of the beds, and decided "that'll do" and passed out. This morning the owner welcomed me, and took me out for breakfast at an old diner Elvis once ate in (score!). We drove around the city, stopped at Home Hardware, then I kicked it w a boy named Omar for a bit, and decided to take a walk downtown.
At the library now, trying to print my boarding documents for tomorrow, but I have no american change. What do you think... Tampa busking?
We got to Tampa, FL at 1am and I sat outside by myself for an hour waiting for the SuperShuttle to take me to my hostel. I sang, and danced a little, some car parking guy tried to hit on me, I tried to do tricks in a wheelchair till I hurt myself... A luxury car pulled up just after 2, and the man was wonderful. He told me that I was gonna be staying in the sketchy part of the city (fantastic) and right before we got to the hostel he had never heard of, a black cat cut in front of me.
I broke into the hostel and tried to walk around all stelth like, meanwhile two english boys sat by the pool, wasted, and watching me. The owner was supposed to leave me a "note" telling me where to stay, and as it was past 3am, he wasn't gonna be awake. Unfortunately, there was no note either, except one telling me to stop being angry and start enjoying myself... but then I realized that was meant for a girl named Jody.
The hostel was wicked awesome, but I was too tired to make friends. The one boy gave me the grand tour, I find a room with a girl in one of the beds, and decided "that'll do" and passed out. This morning the owner welcomed me, and took me out for breakfast at an old diner Elvis once ate in (score!). We drove around the city, stopped at Home Hardware, then I kicked it w a boy named Omar for a bit, and decided to take a walk downtown.
At the library now, trying to print my boarding documents for tomorrow, but I have no american change. What do you think... Tampa busking?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
contradictions
Today is the day I leave for my vacation. A well deserved trip by myself to forget the mediocrity that has become my life in Calgary. And I've been asked a few times these last couple of days, and my response remains the same "I'm sure it'll be a great time, but there's a lot of inconveniences I have to go through before I start enjoying myself".
So, it's been 8hrs since I've arrived at YYC airport this early Tuesday morning. Since then, I've eaten, drank, surfed the next, try to talk my way into prohibited areas... Twice. Oh, and I decided to check in at the airport on fb. Fun thing: it also shows you all of the other people that have checked in. And while I swear up and down, and up again that I'm dead set against internet dating, here, bored at the airport, I found myself asking people over fb where they were flying to, instead of actually approaching a live person.
Half way into my message to 3rd random boy, I caught myself in this hypocritic act, and so I could try and justify it, and say it didn't count. But in a weird coincidence, that same check in allowed me to meet up with a girl I knew in high school that was in Calgary on a layover to see her niece and nephew. And at least the hour spent with her was filled with stories, memories, and me not having to drink alone (even though a shot of Jack diluted with water hardly counts as a shot anyway).
So, it's been 8hrs since I've arrived at YYC airport this early Tuesday morning. Since then, I've eaten, drank, surfed the next, try to talk my way into prohibited areas... Twice. Oh, and I decided to check in at the airport on fb. Fun thing: it also shows you all of the other people that have checked in. And while I swear up and down, and up again that I'm dead set against internet dating, here, bored at the airport, I found myself asking people over fb where they were flying to, instead of actually approaching a live person.
Half way into my message to 3rd random boy, I caught myself in this hypocritic act, and so I could try and justify it, and say it didn't count. But in a weird coincidence, that same check in allowed me to meet up with a girl I knew in high school that was in Calgary on a layover to see her niece and nephew. And at least the hour spent with her was filled with stories, memories, and me not having to drink alone (even though a shot of Jack diluted with water hardly counts as a shot anyway).
Emergency Jack
You know, many people ask me about my tiny 3shots-full flask that I refer to as Emergency Jack. They wonder how bad my life could possibly be, or what kind of unmaintained addiction I might have, to keep a few shots along side me almost all the time.
The flask isn't a coping mechanism my good friends, it's just a way of making my life less frustrating. When others would turn sour or be put into an unbelievably bad mood in some situations, well, I just hand out with Emergency Jack for a minute or two and figure out what to do next.
Let me give you an example: I'm the kind of person who has no issues traveling alone. (So now, before you give me grief on Emergency Jack, think back to the last trip you did absolutely solo -trips "home" don't count. I thought so) And although I love going to new places and having new adventures, an adventure without fail for me, each and every time is an 8-10hr airport hangout, which I am currently part-taking in.
So with the added $70 charge for not making my original flight, and the realization that I now land at my destination at midnight instead of 4pm, I'm gonna kick it w Jack, for free, and then move on to more interesting activities... Like, hopefully body shots (preferably, not at the airport)
The flask isn't a coping mechanism my good friends, it's just a way of making my life less frustrating. When others would turn sour or be put into an unbelievably bad mood in some situations, well, I just hand out with Emergency Jack for a minute or two and figure out what to do next.
Let me give you an example: I'm the kind of person who has no issues traveling alone. (So now, before you give me grief on Emergency Jack, think back to the last trip you did absolutely solo -trips "home" don't count. I thought so) And although I love going to new places and having new adventures, an adventure without fail for me, each and every time is an 8-10hr airport hangout, which I am currently part-taking in.
So with the added $70 charge for not making my original flight, and the realization that I now land at my destination at midnight instead of 4pm, I'm gonna kick it w Jack, for free, and then move on to more interesting activities... Like, hopefully body shots (preferably, not at the airport)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Little Things
When I think of some of the best days of my life, many things come to mind. Punk rock shows and hikes in the mountains. Drinking Jack by the water, and travelling. But I think that there are 2 main things that I adore, that give a good day that extra boost.
1. A great hug. (I know many of you are reading this, and are doubtful, and I’m sorry that you are girls) but I love me a good male-accompanied hug. Whether it’s friends that mean the world to me, or acquaintances who can just want me to "shake off that mood", when I think back on my best hugs ever, my heart melts a bit each time.
2. Acoustic guitar. No matter how many places I’ve travelled, or who I’m with, when that acoustic comes out, my worries seem to fade away. I’m care free when my eyes are closed listening to an acoustic. Be it on a street corner, or a hostel, a friends basement, or around a camp fire, I’m content.
As much as I bitch about life sometimes, the little things that get to me, I am in fact a pretty happy person. The stuff I like to vent about, it’s just talk for the sake of talk. I’ve had a good couple of days, and thinking about as to why, these little things came to mind. Thanks to those that made them possible.
1. A great hug. (I know many of you are reading this, and are doubtful, and I’m sorry that you are girls) but I love me a good male-accompanied hug. Whether it’s friends that mean the world to me, or acquaintances who can just want me to "shake off that mood", when I think back on my best hugs ever, my heart melts a bit each time.
2. Acoustic guitar. No matter how many places I’ve travelled, or who I’m with, when that acoustic comes out, my worries seem to fade away. I’m care free when my eyes are closed listening to an acoustic. Be it on a street corner, or a hostel, a friends basement, or around a camp fire, I’m content.
As much as I bitch about life sometimes, the little things that get to me, I am in fact a pretty happy person. The stuff I like to vent about, it’s just talk for the sake of talk. I’ve had a good couple of days, and thinking about as to why, these little things came to mind. Thanks to those that made them possible.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Rebellion
You know what’s awesome about Monday mornings? Nothing! I got up on the wrong side of the bed this past Monday anyway. I was running late for work and so I did my standard, j-walking, hopping the fence, cutting through SAIT (which apparently they frown upon because they started locking their doors) and run for the train. But as I got to the station, 2 c-train officers stood there *REBEL* I looked both of them straight in the eye and walked past them onto the train. C-train ticket number 2.
Pretty standard: court date ect speech. Then the question: “have you gotten one of these before” –yes. “Did you take care of it?” –I don’t believe so. “In that case, you understand there’s a warrant out for your arrest?” –I suppose…. And then they don’t arrest me anyway!
So this is my dilemma: What’s the point of giving me tickets, when the chances of me paying them is so unlikely? I mean, I didn’t pay the first, I’m probably not gonna pay the 2nd. How many tickets do you think I should get before some douche decides to take me “down to the station”? I could collect them like stamps or pogs.
But part 2 of this dilemma is, that part of being a rebel, should be that you’re doing something “badass”. And realistically, I’m gonna be able to get out of the country with this warrant, I’m not going to be put in jail. They could make me do some community service or something but that’s about it.
*sidenote*list*
Top 7 things that I do, that would be cooler for me to get arrested for, instead of this stupid c-train thing:
7. not doing taxes
6. driving without insurance
5. j-walking
4. drinking in public
3. speeding
2. trespassing/breaking and entering
1. hitchhiking
Now, as much as I like to try really hard to be a punk rock rebel child, I didn’t mouth off to the c-train police-dude. I didn’t fight the ticket, I didn’t make a run for it. Heck, he looked at me and said “you seem like a good person” going to work on time and shit… I’d like to rebel against the “man” and his stupid rules, but in reality, I’m still saving money by not buying a c-train ticket everyday (especially if I never pay them). But in the long run, I can’t brag to my grandkids about a c-train arrest, that’s just lame.
Maybe I should pay it. Decisions, decisions.
Pretty standard: court date ect speech. Then the question: “have you gotten one of these before” –yes. “Did you take care of it?” –I don’t believe so. “In that case, you understand there’s a warrant out for your arrest?” –I suppose…. And then they don’t arrest me anyway!
So this is my dilemma: What’s the point of giving me tickets, when the chances of me paying them is so unlikely? I mean, I didn’t pay the first, I’m probably not gonna pay the 2nd. How many tickets do you think I should get before some douche decides to take me “down to the station”? I could collect them like stamps or pogs.
But part 2 of this dilemma is, that part of being a rebel, should be that you’re doing something “badass”. And realistically, I’m gonna be able to get out of the country with this warrant, I’m not going to be put in jail. They could make me do some community service or something but that’s about it.
*sidenote*list*
Top 7 things that I do, that would be cooler for me to get arrested for, instead of this stupid c-train thing:
7. not doing taxes
6. driving without insurance
5. j-walking
4. drinking in public
3. speeding
2. trespassing/breaking and entering
1. hitchhiking
Now, as much as I like to try really hard to be a punk rock rebel child, I didn’t mouth off to the c-train police-dude. I didn’t fight the ticket, I didn’t make a run for it. Heck, he looked at me and said “you seem like a good person” going to work on time and shit… I’d like to rebel against the “man” and his stupid rules, but in reality, I’m still saving money by not buying a c-train ticket everyday (especially if I never pay them). But in the long run, I can’t brag to my grandkids about a c-train arrest, that’s just lame.
Maybe I should pay it. Decisions, decisions.
Out of the Ordinary
Today, while on my way to work, I saw someone using a pencil. Not even a mechanical penicl, just an old school No.2 pencil. And the kicker was that they weren't doing a sudoku puzzle, or a crossword, or a math problem. They were just making personal notes. I didn't know pencils still existed outside of elementary school.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Genuine Statements
I don't believe I've ever been in love. Don't get me wrong, smitten-ness is awesome, but I've never felt the need to shout it from the rooftops, you know? If I ever do love a boy, in that 'can't hold it in', 'must tell you' kinda way that they have it portrayed in movies... when I finally said the imfamous "I love you", (especially if I said it first)... he would legit accuse me of sarcasm.
It has come to my attention recently, that any time I try to be genuinely nice to people... when I thank them for random things; like being a part of my life, or listening to me vent... the first thing that comes to most peoples mind, is that I'm fuking with their heads, or mocking them with my sarcasm.
Now, let me be clear: I speak fluent sarcasm - it's true! Actually, it's my favorite language with the exception of body language, (and that mostlly comes across when I'm drunk anyway), and yet, I can't seem to figure out how to express myself effectively. It hurts my feelings when I try to compliment, or be nice to people -like for real; and in return an *eye roll* is what I get.
*rolls eyes* What to do?
It has come to my attention recently, that any time I try to be genuinely nice to people... when I thank them for random things; like being a part of my life, or listening to me vent... the first thing that comes to most peoples mind, is that I'm fuking with their heads, or mocking them with my sarcasm.
Now, let me be clear: I speak fluent sarcasm - it's true! Actually, it's my favorite language with the exception of body language, (and that mostlly comes across when I'm drunk anyway), and yet, I can't seem to figure out how to express myself effectively. It hurts my feelings when I try to compliment, or be nice to people -like for real; and in return an *eye roll* is what I get.
*rolls eyes* What to do?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Made me smile
A very cute man just hit on me. I was at a store promoting the new phone and, he was buying one. We had some harmless flirtation between us, but my work day, was about too come to an end. I grabbed his receipt and input some reporting information into my phone, then walked over too the laptop to get it all submitted right away.
I guess he thought I grabbed his number, and when he received his welcome message on his new phone, assumed it was a text from me. He left saying "i think I just got a message fron you" to, which my response was "is that so?" Then said goodbye.
He was pretty good looking with a nice personality. Works as a, paramedic. Super smile. Wish I did grab his number. Too late now, but I do, have buy first new crush and that makes me smile. Maybe one day we'll meet again. Sigh.
I guess he thought I grabbed his number, and when he received his welcome message on his new phone, assumed it was a text from me. He left saying "i think I just got a message fron you" to, which my response was "is that so?" Then said goodbye.
He was pretty good looking with a nice personality. Works as a, paramedic. Super smile. Wish I did grab his number. Too late now, but I do, have buy first new crush and that makes me smile. Maybe one day we'll meet again. Sigh.
Complaints
Hey all.
I've recently gotten some complaints about my lack of blogging. Well geez. I don't know who really wants to read my weepy thoughts over the internet. What's been going on? I'm bored and feel indifferent and am looking for a positive change and an adventure.
I will let you know what's going on though:
I've booked myself on a rockstar cruise. Towards the end of this month, I will fly to Florida for a week or so (hopefully longer) and have some drinks and a bit of a party aboard a cruiseship. It's gonna be fantastic! Hopefully I meet some adventurous people while there, and they decide to do a roadtrip around Florida, so I could do some exploring. That'll satisfy my adventure side of things.
While in Calgary, I'd like to break out of this shell I've crawled into, so if you're doing something that I normally wouldn't participate in... get me to go. Don't ask... just tell. My sour mood is sure to eventually wear off. I went to a Variety show last week and it was a pretty darn good time. That, and a bit of a dance off should do me well.
I will also be looking for a new job to make some moulah before the summer hits, so keep me in mind for that. I plan on running CityChase in June... so I've already started strategizing. That should be a good day.
Lastly, I've decided to write a song. The idea came to me this morning while waiting for the train. All you get to know right now, is that it's going to be called "POCKET DIAL". If you know of any persons who know how to play guitar (I only know how to do the lyrics part) I'd love to have a chill sesh with them. After it comes together, we'll go on and look for a singer for it.
I hope this is enough insight for right now. I will try to think of different topics to write about so that everyone could go back to their lesure reading. Thanks.
I've recently gotten some complaints about my lack of blogging. Well geez. I don't know who really wants to read my weepy thoughts over the internet. What's been going on? I'm bored and feel indifferent and am looking for a positive change and an adventure.
I will let you know what's going on though:
I've booked myself on a rockstar cruise. Towards the end of this month, I will fly to Florida for a week or so (hopefully longer) and have some drinks and a bit of a party aboard a cruiseship. It's gonna be fantastic! Hopefully I meet some adventurous people while there, and they decide to do a roadtrip around Florida, so I could do some exploring. That'll satisfy my adventure side of things.
While in Calgary, I'd like to break out of this shell I've crawled into, so if you're doing something that I normally wouldn't participate in... get me to go. Don't ask... just tell. My sour mood is sure to eventually wear off. I went to a Variety show last week and it was a pretty darn good time. That, and a bit of a dance off should do me well.
I will also be looking for a new job to make some moulah before the summer hits, so keep me in mind for that. I plan on running CityChase in June... so I've already started strategizing. That should be a good day.
Lastly, I've decided to write a song. The idea came to me this morning while waiting for the train. All you get to know right now, is that it's going to be called "POCKET DIAL". If you know of any persons who know how to play guitar (I only know how to do the lyrics part) I'd love to have a chill sesh with them. After it comes together, we'll go on and look for a singer for it.
I hope this is enough insight for right now. I will try to think of different topics to write about so that everyone could go back to their lesure reading. Thanks.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Thirst for Money, and Something Different
It's 6:02am and I stand alone at a train terminal. I wait for the train that seldom comes in the wee morning hours. This is a stupid idea, I think over and over. I'm headed to yet another promotional gig for the launch of a new call phone. Train, teach, repeat. And then tonight they ship me off to Edmonton to do the same thing.
I am so over the promotional thing. I've told myself this many times over, and yet here I stand, waiting, showered and ready to go. Why? I miss the adventure that used to be my life. I miss hanging out and working hard and traveling. But on order to adventure, you need money, and in order to have money, you unfortunately have to work.
And so the circle closes. I sit on the train with the blue collared crowd. The dirty clothes and helmets replace the suits and blackberrys you normally see with the 9-5 scene. Hopefully this satisfies me, or at least distracts me for a bit.
I am so over the promotional thing. I've told myself this many times over, and yet here I stand, waiting, showered and ready to go. Why? I miss the adventure that used to be my life. I miss hanging out and working hard and traveling. But on order to adventure, you need money, and in order to have money, you unfortunately have to work.
And so the circle closes. I sit on the train with the blue collared crowd. The dirty clothes and helmets replace the suits and blackberrys you normally see with the 9-5 scene. Hopefully this satisfies me, or at least distracts me for a bit.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Not in the Mood
I'm going through something that I don't know quite how to deal with at the moment. I pretend to indifferent. Neutral. Okay. But it's a tough time for me.
I wish I was angry so I could come on here and vent my fuken face off. Or maybe eventually I will distance myself and the whole thing will become comical. But as or right now, I'm shut down. I'm going out and I'm drinking and im distracting myself. But I'm not myself. So I don't know when you'll be getting any interesting blogs. Apologies in advance.
I wish I was angry so I could come on here and vent my fuken face off. Or maybe eventually I will distance myself and the whole thing will become comical. But as or right now, I'm shut down. I'm going out and I'm drinking and im distracting myself. But I'm not myself. So I don't know when you'll be getting any interesting blogs. Apologies in advance.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I Guess I Could Humour It.
You know what? I love love. I do. I just wish I was in love. People in love look so happy all the time, I mean, who wouldn't want that?
What I don't love, is the fact that everyone puts such a big hype on Valentines Day. As is some chocolates or flowers are that much more special on that day. Much like birthdays, when people are supposed to celebrate being alive and have a day for themselves, I feel like Valentines should be celebrated more than once a year. You should show your squeeze that you adore them all the time, randomly, spontaneously.
I've thought in the past about boycotting the "holiday". I've never even dated, so what's the harm, really? But then I thought about all the other random days I do part-take in. St. Paddy's, International Suit-Up Day, Canada Day, Steak & a Blowjob Day... and I figured, for a person who loves love so much, maybe having a day to celebrate Love isn't such a bad idea.
So I have my love tie on, and, yeah, well that's about as far as that goes. Other than that, the people I do care about, will receive random messages of love from me throughout the year. Because I still stand by the opinion that a pleasant surprise is always better than "expecting" something, and then being disappointed.
Birthday = disappointment
Christmas = disappointment
Valentines = disappointment
And that's what I get for building stuff up in my head. Woe is me.
What I don't love, is the fact that everyone puts such a big hype on Valentines Day. As is some chocolates or flowers are that much more special on that day. Much like birthdays, when people are supposed to celebrate being alive and have a day for themselves, I feel like Valentines should be celebrated more than once a year. You should show your squeeze that you adore them all the time, randomly, spontaneously.
I've thought in the past about boycotting the "holiday". I've never even dated, so what's the harm, really? But then I thought about all the other random days I do part-take in. St. Paddy's, International Suit-Up Day, Canada Day, Steak & a Blowjob Day... and I figured, for a person who loves love so much, maybe having a day to celebrate Love isn't such a bad idea.
So I have my love tie on, and, yeah, well that's about as far as that goes. Other than that, the people I do care about, will receive random messages of love from me throughout the year. Because I still stand by the opinion that a pleasant surprise is always better than "expecting" something, and then being disappointed.
Birthday = disappointment
Christmas = disappointment
Valentines = disappointment
And that's what I get for building stuff up in my head. Woe is me.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
"Work"
There's a lot of stressful things that people do for work. I don't usually partake in them though. Right now I'm getting paid for hanging out and playing with a pretty awesome phone that I have on loan. I'm complaining in my head about how much my legs hurt how bored I am, and how I could be doing the same thing from the comfort of my couch. When in reality, I should be stoked that I'm not actually doing any real work. If I get paid for doing nothing, the people that actually do stuff should be getting paid substantially more. And that in a nutshell is one of the reasons I love marketing. In the long run, maybe I'll accomplish more.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Routine
I have different contradicting thoughts when I think of having a routine. The idea of doing something relatively the same day after day, almost seems like a dreaded nightmare to me. I like to think that life should be ever-changing and spontaneous, rather than a constant obligation of for-seen circumstances. And yet everyone has a routine on their own. Dinner is at a certain time, you drink at the same watering hole with your core group of friends, and you visit the same theatre every Tuesday for a shitty movie.
Many people blame their mundane lifestyles on their "Responsibilities" or lack of funds; but I don't truly believe that they would escape if given the chance. If I grabbed you, saying that in an hour we're getting on a plane for an unexpected vacation, your work has already approved your leave, and all expenses are paid, I am quite certain that over 50% of the people I'd ask would still find a lame-ass excuse out of it.
The truth is that routine provides people with comfort, and the unknown can be a scary place.
I've worked in promotions the last couple of years. My job description is ever-changing and I'm never sure when or where my next paycheque is coming from. With the new year, i'm considering a full time office position for myself. But can a person with my recklessness really survive in a corporate environment? I've survived many a month bored out of my min and unemployed on the couch, so i don't see any reason for it to be an unrealistic notion. And even still, just the thought makes me want to run away for an impromptu adventure.
Many people blame their mundane lifestyles on their "Responsibilities" or lack of funds; but I don't truly believe that they would escape if given the chance. If I grabbed you, saying that in an hour we're getting on a plane for an unexpected vacation, your work has already approved your leave, and all expenses are paid, I am quite certain that over 50% of the people I'd ask would still find a lame-ass excuse out of it.
The truth is that routine provides people with comfort, and the unknown can be a scary place.
I've worked in promotions the last couple of years. My job description is ever-changing and I'm never sure when or where my next paycheque is coming from. With the new year, i'm considering a full time office position for myself. But can a person with my recklessness really survive in a corporate environment? I've survived many a month bored out of my min and unemployed on the couch, so i don't see any reason for it to be an unrealistic notion. And even still, just the thought makes me want to run away for an impromptu adventure.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Worst Hour of my Life
When you think of the time in your life when you wanted to shoot yourself, along with everyone around you in the face, many typical scenarios might pop up. That day you unjustifiably lost your job. The time you woke up with the worst hangover you've ever experienced, when you had tears in your eyes and you were promising god that you would be a better person if it would just go away. Well, Calgary theatre has just topped my list.
Me going into the specifics of the play I just saw is unnecessary. Not only do I not want to relive it for the purpose of this blog... I also wouldn't wish that god-awfulness on my worst enemy. What I can tell you, is that as soon as you walk into the venue and see 4 adults in clown make-up...RUN!!!
6 Minutes into the play I was counting down the minutes to its end. It felt like I was part of a brain washing cult and I wanted to shoot pellets at the people who were laughing and encouraging the actors to continue with such none sense. 15 Minutes in they said "Let's kiss" and I vowed to Girlie that I would kiss her right then and there if only it would get us out of there - and that's saying a lot.
Things that I would have rather seen on stage include: beasteality, pedophelia, any number of girl-on-girl bits that would make me highly uncomfortable. I would rather be standing outside waiting for a bus for an hour. I would rather be digging my own grave. There are not enough words for me to think of that could explain the horror I had just witnessed. It's moments like those that I have a flask-full of "emergency Jack" with me, and my detox goes out the window. And as I sat there, trying to convince myself that this was a test of my patience, and imagining breaking in to toilet-paper that theatre, I couldn't fathom what I had ever done in my life to make me deserve such torture.
Me going into the specifics of the play I just saw is unnecessary. Not only do I not want to relive it for the purpose of this blog... I also wouldn't wish that god-awfulness on my worst enemy. What I can tell you, is that as soon as you walk into the venue and see 4 adults in clown make-up...RUN!!!
6 Minutes into the play I was counting down the minutes to its end. It felt like I was part of a brain washing cult and I wanted to shoot pellets at the people who were laughing and encouraging the actors to continue with such none sense. 15 Minutes in they said "Let's kiss" and I vowed to Girlie that I would kiss her right then and there if only it would get us out of there - and that's saying a lot.
Things that I would have rather seen on stage include: beasteality, pedophelia, any number of girl-on-girl bits that would make me highly uncomfortable. I would rather be standing outside waiting for a bus for an hour. I would rather be digging my own grave. There are not enough words for me to think of that could explain the horror I had just witnessed. It's moments like those that I have a flask-full of "emergency Jack" with me, and my detox goes out the window. And as I sat there, trying to convince myself that this was a test of my patience, and imagining breaking in to toilet-paper that theatre, I couldn't fathom what I had ever done in my life to make me deserve such torture.
Withdrawl
I don't think people in general, realize how much of their lives is spent going through withdrawl. If our days are made up of routine, consistency, familiarity then as soon as one factor changes, we tend to go into a state of withdrawl to compensate for it.
If you work a 9-5 job, and suddenly lose it, what will you possibly do to fill those 8 hours of your day. 40 hours of your week that need to be occupied with something, anything in order to keep you from going stir crazy. I don't have a job, and this is something I still have to come to terms with. I wake up, make breakfast, and do the dishes just to have something to do. Then I flip flop between reading books and watching movies until anything better comes along. Sometimes I strive to be pro-active and find a gig, but usually, I just vedge.
And it's the same with a lot of things. Think of your New Years Resolution, it's simple, just DON'T eat that bag of chips. You'll go through the motions, you'll reach for it and then deny yourself of it; but you will also spend time thinking about it, and wanting to cheat.
The biggest thing I need to learn how to withdraw from is my relationships. It's kind of a big deal to have someone in my life every day, and then suddenly not have them around. I remeniss of the past, I imagine a fabricated future, but then I come to terms that it is JUST ME that will always be consistant. Who I am, and who I want to be. (I've been watching One Tree Hill, and that themesong still gets to me)
I've been reading a book on addiction, and subsequently thought I would stop drinking for a few weeks. As much as you could miss a substance like alcohol, the bigger part of "not drinking" is missing the routine of going with your friends to the bar, that's always hard. But it's made me think how much of life's activities are based around addiction. Even a simple thing like going to the gym turns into something that people NEED to do in order to feel complete at the end of the day, and it truly makes you realize that there is always a chance for anything activity to turn into "Too Much of a Good Thing". That's where dependancy kicks in, the big bullying brother of addiction, and no one wants to go there.
We all deal with our withdrawls each day, same as we do our struggles and make different decisions. I guess one thing holds true throughout. You take it one day at a time.
If you work a 9-5 job, and suddenly lose it, what will you possibly do to fill those 8 hours of your day. 40 hours of your week that need to be occupied with something, anything in order to keep you from going stir crazy. I don't have a job, and this is something I still have to come to terms with. I wake up, make breakfast, and do the dishes just to have something to do. Then I flip flop between reading books and watching movies until anything better comes along. Sometimes I strive to be pro-active and find a gig, but usually, I just vedge.
And it's the same with a lot of things. Think of your New Years Resolution, it's simple, just DON'T eat that bag of chips. You'll go through the motions, you'll reach for it and then deny yourself of it; but you will also spend time thinking about it, and wanting to cheat.
The biggest thing I need to learn how to withdraw from is my relationships. It's kind of a big deal to have someone in my life every day, and then suddenly not have them around. I remeniss of the past, I imagine a fabricated future, but then I come to terms that it is JUST ME that will always be consistant. Who I am, and who I want to be. (I've been watching One Tree Hill, and that themesong still gets to me)
I've been reading a book on addiction, and subsequently thought I would stop drinking for a few weeks. As much as you could miss a substance like alcohol, the bigger part of "not drinking" is missing the routine of going with your friends to the bar, that's always hard. But it's made me think how much of life's activities are based around addiction. Even a simple thing like going to the gym turns into something that people NEED to do in order to feel complete at the end of the day, and it truly makes you realize that there is always a chance for anything activity to turn into "Too Much of a Good Thing". That's where dependancy kicks in, the big bullying brother of addiction, and no one wants to go there.
We all deal with our withdrawls each day, same as we do our struggles and make different decisions. I guess one thing holds true throughout. You take it one day at a time.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Absurd Views
Yesterday, while in a vehicle listening to a random radio station, I came upon a news brief that made me sick to my stomach. It turns out that a popular magazine put Elton John, his life partner, and their new baby on the cover of this month's issue.
Now, not all people are "FOR" gay marriage and/or the bringing of a child into a gay family, and with that, I could only say that everyone is entitled to their opinion- No matter how stupid, shallow or closed-minded, it is.
The part of the story that got me was when I heard that in that ever-so-friendly neighbouring country to our south, the magazine vendors were forced to hide the cover. That is correct, they have to put plastic covers over a loving family (think playboy/hustler) as if it was something so incredibly offensive that it could not be viewed by the general public. If society could get any more stereotypical, that would shock me.
"Things that are worse than that cover": will be in part 2 of my rant over this issue.
Now, not all people are "FOR" gay marriage and/or the bringing of a child into a gay family, and with that, I could only say that everyone is entitled to their opinion- No matter how stupid, shallow or closed-minded, it is.
The part of the story that got me was when I heard that in that ever-so-friendly neighbouring country to our south, the magazine vendors were forced to hide the cover. That is correct, they have to put plastic covers over a loving family (think playboy/hustler) as if it was something so incredibly offensive that it could not be viewed by the general public. If society could get any more stereotypical, that would shock me.
"Things that are worse than that cover": will be in part 2 of my rant over this issue.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Content
I understand that everyone is a little different; has different values, opinions, ect. And I get that some people get stoked about things that others wouldn't bother with, and that the level of excitement will vary with each person... What I'm wondering, is if being content is like settling for mediocrity?
To me, being content is an awesome thing, as some people perceive me as a negative person. It means I'm on that greater part of the 1-10 scale, that 6-6.5 mark that makes me smile to be alive. But I'm not any of the awesome words. I'm not "stoked" or "elated", nor am I "ecstatic", I'm just content.
I read an article the other day that said even if you force your body to smile or laugh (say, in a mocking, or fake state) it will actually trick your body into thinking you're a happier person. Not that lying to ones-self is a good thing, but I thought it was kinds cool, because let's face it, people feed off each others energy, and there's a lot of negativity out there.
To me, contentment is like treading water. Yup, your nostrils are on the happier side of that equation, you're not drowning, and that wave hasn't pummled you yet, so you have nothing to complain about. But as decent as floating in a state of indifference in the water is, the white sanded island of Ecstaticness is within view, and just a swim away.
To me, being content is an awesome thing, as some people perceive me as a negative person. It means I'm on that greater part of the 1-10 scale, that 6-6.5 mark that makes me smile to be alive. But I'm not any of the awesome words. I'm not "stoked" or "elated", nor am I "ecstatic", I'm just content.
I read an article the other day that said even if you force your body to smile or laugh (say, in a mocking, or fake state) it will actually trick your body into thinking you're a happier person. Not that lying to ones-self is a good thing, but I thought it was kinds cool, because let's face it, people feed off each others energy, and there's a lot of negativity out there.
To me, contentment is like treading water. Yup, your nostrils are on the happier side of that equation, you're not drowning, and that wave hasn't pummled you yet, so you have nothing to complain about. But as decent as floating in a state of indifference in the water is, the white sanded island of Ecstaticness is within view, and just a swim away.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Adventures
These days, I find myself reminiscing of the past. Of the little rebel-punk I used to be at 16. I remember how on New Years that year, I had decided to go out to my first club ever with my two best friends at the time, Ter and Alz. We were going to get on the go train in downtown Hamilton and go 3 cities over to see Snow play at a club, who's name I don't recall anymore. I was going to hear "informer" live, even though Snow was already washed up.
We bent the truth a little bit when asking our parents permission to go out. Well, I did anyway, I didn't let them know we were leaving the city, they thought we were just headed downtown, but I don't think my friends mentioned a club at all. I remember we all went on a super secret shopping for our "club" outfits with money we saved from some part-time work.
We were stoked to go out and party that we got off at the wrong train stop, but luckily had the train heading in the right direction stop at the same time, and while running to the train, and away from drunk creeps, Alz fell hard and screwed up her whole leg. But the adrenaline wore off her pain when we got to our first not-muchmusic-dance, and we ignored all the brown guys trying to grind with us.
And the night was going so well we eventually missed our last train back into Hamilton and begged some guy in a convenience store to let us hang out all night. The funniest part of that memory is that we almost said yes to partying with some 25 year olds, but we hadn't been drinking, and decided against it. And then there was that guy just vomiting on the bus - we wondered why people drink to begin with.
Earlier today I was telling the roomie how I was considered the bad influence in high school. Not in the way of getting bad grades, smoking, drinking or doing drugs or anything... But I always had that thirst for adventure. The one that would draw me out of the cities for days and nights on end to hang with people twice my age.
My drawn out point here is, that I need to find people I could convince into going on more stupid adventures with me, even though over a decade has gone by. I did do the hitch hiking Europe thing not too long ago. And that random toothless-native-cowboy thing in Babb, Montana is still an epic tale... But I want more. I'm thirsty!
We bent the truth a little bit when asking our parents permission to go out. Well, I did anyway, I didn't let them know we were leaving the city, they thought we were just headed downtown, but I don't think my friends mentioned a club at all. I remember we all went on a super secret shopping for our "club" outfits with money we saved from some part-time work.
We were stoked to go out and party that we got off at the wrong train stop, but luckily had the train heading in the right direction stop at the same time, and while running to the train, and away from drunk creeps, Alz fell hard and screwed up her whole leg. But the adrenaline wore off her pain when we got to our first not-muchmusic-dance, and we ignored all the brown guys trying to grind with us.
And the night was going so well we eventually missed our last train back into Hamilton and begged some guy in a convenience store to let us hang out all night. The funniest part of that memory is that we almost said yes to partying with some 25 year olds, but we hadn't been drinking, and decided against it. And then there was that guy just vomiting on the bus - we wondered why people drink to begin with.
Earlier today I was telling the roomie how I was considered the bad influence in high school. Not in the way of getting bad grades, smoking, drinking or doing drugs or anything... But I always had that thirst for adventure. The one that would draw me out of the cities for days and nights on end to hang with people twice my age.
My drawn out point here is, that I need to find people I could convince into going on more stupid adventures with me, even though over a decade has gone by. I did do the hitch hiking Europe thing not too long ago. And that random toothless-native-cowboy thing in Babb, Montana is still an epic tale... But I want more. I'm thirsty!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
To: Awesome People
(Less-than alligator)(three)
That's for you, because you're wicked.
Let me know if anyone figures out my super simple message.
B!
That's for you, because you're wicked.
Let me know if anyone figures out my super simple message.
B!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Anti-Depression
The winter months get the best of people. Other than those who have a deep love for snowboarding, or some other winter sport, and esccimos, I don't know how anybody could keep happy and optimistic during this bitter and cold season.
And that's the impression I give off. That of coldness and bitterness. I'm less social than usual, I'm withdrawn and silent, and to all people looking at me from the outside in, you would think I was depressed. But this last week has been that of alone time with my thoughts. Truth: I have nothing positive to say, so why even open my mouth at all. Words that come out of it would be those of complaints and criticisms.
I tried very hard this week to do the little things that make me smile on a regular basis. I kept in touch with my journal, I watched a stupid ytv show that no one else is into. I had a few drinks, and ate nachos and chocolate cake. And I touched base with some friends to talk about topics that really had no relevance in the long run. But most of all, I napped and I read, and I went tanning. And still, at the end of the day, my mood was no more that 5/10, winter does get the best of me, and the Calgary version of it, just makes me want to hitchhike south.
And that's the impression I give off. That of coldness and bitterness. I'm less social than usual, I'm withdrawn and silent, and to all people looking at me from the outside in, you would think I was depressed. But this last week has been that of alone time with my thoughts. Truth: I have nothing positive to say, so why even open my mouth at all. Words that come out of it would be those of complaints and criticisms.
I tried very hard this week to do the little things that make me smile on a regular basis. I kept in touch with my journal, I watched a stupid ytv show that no one else is into. I had a few drinks, and ate nachos and chocolate cake. And I touched base with some friends to talk about topics that really had no relevance in the long run. But most of all, I napped and I read, and I went tanning. And still, at the end of the day, my mood was no more that 5/10, winter does get the best of me, and the Calgary version of it, just makes me want to hitchhike south.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dancing - Check
So I brave the cold and wander over to my local watering hole to meet up with a friend that I haven't seen in a couple of weeks, and his significant-other. We eat some cheap wings and shoot the shit with talk of New Years and the holidays. But as they leave just before 10pm, I realize how much I dread getting back out into the cold, and back to my uneventful house. I decide to stay.
I relocate to the bar where new friends are already giving me a hard time, and the shooters are flowing. We talk of girls and boys, of relationships and liars, and eventually decide that we should party. Like the good'ol'days, I'm kidnapped by boys (w a side of good looking girls) and we head down to a bar I despise. But, in the spirit of the New Year and having fun, I allow myself to dance get hit on random 19yr-olds and see my new random friends give up all their dignity by getting groped and mouth-raped. But that is nothing new for the Roadhouse.
My night went like this though: I met up w my friend and his gf, then hung out with random bartender + 2 sides of random awesomeness, and a not-so-innocent young-in. Went down to the club with 2 female rockstars, where I met a 1/2 stripper, saw my former-good-friend, my 2 awesome bartenderesses, and a former almost-fling from Waterton. Wow, who knew I'd have such an eventful night.
I relocate to the bar where new friends are already giving me a hard time, and the shooters are flowing. We talk of girls and boys, of relationships and liars, and eventually decide that we should party. Like the good'ol'days, I'm kidnapped by boys (w a side of good looking girls) and we head down to a bar I despise. But, in the spirit of the New Year and having fun, I allow myself to dance get hit on random 19yr-olds and see my new random friends give up all their dignity by getting groped and mouth-raped. But that is nothing new for the Roadhouse.
My night went like this though: I met up w my friend and his gf, then hung out with random bartender + 2 sides of random awesomeness, and a not-so-innocent young-in. Went down to the club with 2 female rockstars, where I met a 1/2 stripper, saw my former-good-friend, my 2 awesome bartenderesses, and a former almost-fling from Waterton. Wow, who knew I'd have such an eventful night.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
What I've Accomplished Last Year
Resolution: expand my social circle: wasn't a failure, though not a full-on success. I will re-attempt this one again in 2011, with a few minor tweeks. Still 2#'s a week, but with less punishment.
Resolution: hot vacation: DONE! And Mexico was awesome!
Resolution: return daddys car: DONE! oh solo-trip through the USA.
Resolution: don't sweat the small stuff: kinda done...
*sidenote* on this one; explanation for it last year was:
"if you've met me, I'm semi animated but it always comes across as anger. I love to yell and cause a bit of a ruckus, a lot of it sounds angry, though it's really not, and all that's good... but I do let the small stuff get to me... NO MORE"
The problem with that is, I like to be animated, and yell and vent. I'm still not angry, and therefore I choose to express that part of myself, but I feel as if I did made a valid effort to not let small things matter last year, so yay me.
And this year, I've decided to re-add:
-flirt shamelessly (it's too much fun not to)
-dance around(it makes you happier, and allows you to de-stress)
-get into trouble (you're not getting any younger)
they were my resolutions in the past for a reason, and they will brighten up 2011, just you wait!
Resolution: hot vacation: DONE! And Mexico was awesome!
Resolution: return daddys car: DONE! oh solo-trip through the USA.
Resolution: don't sweat the small stuff: kinda done...
*sidenote* on this one; explanation for it last year was:
"if you've met me, I'm semi animated but it always comes across as anger. I love to yell and cause a bit of a ruckus, a lot of it sounds angry, though it's really not, and all that's good... but I do let the small stuff get to me... NO MORE"
The problem with that is, I like to be animated, and yell and vent. I'm still not angry, and therefore I choose to express that part of myself, but I feel as if I did made a valid effort to not let small things matter last year, so yay me.
And this year, I've decided to re-add:
-flirt shamelessly (it's too much fun not to)
-dance around(it makes you happier, and allows you to de-stress)
-get into trouble (you're not getting any younger)
they were my resolutions in the past for a reason, and they will brighten up 2011, just you wait!
The Ending of 2010
Drinks started flowing early in the afternoon on New Years Eve. Lounging around the house waiting for an epic plan for the night, "I wonder how much I could drink today?" I asked the roommate at about 4pm. This was after a baileys hot chocolate, and 4 or 5 jaggerbombs, but before getting ready... but then due to some complications, I didn't get to the bar to meet up with friends till 10:30, in a pretty tipsy state and a decent enough mood.
The Rusty Cage was broken up into 4 types of high school cliques. You have the jocks: t-shirts too tight on them, showing off that most of their lives revolve around the gym; the wanna-bes: wearing whatever they thought would look best at the bar, none of them dressed rock'n'roll, or even decently, but the gel in their hair suggests they tried; the nerds: made up of all men that keep to their tables, checking out the girls they'd like to get up the courage to talk to, but won't; and the girls: not sluts per say, but really trying for attention, none-the-less.
The band that's playing sounds decent enough but lack a personality of their own. They're ripping off all the most popular songs of Guitar Hero. Yes, I understand that those songs were once epic, but now, they are mostly recognized from the game that's educated the youth of today. From Sweet Child of Mine, to the Foofighters, and now Kings of Leon, it lacked the energy New Years Eve should hold.
The countdown happened 3 minutes early and was anti-climactic, as I think it was done more for the convenience of ending one song, and beginning another. The first song I heard in 2011 was Pink's "Raise Your Glass". No complaints I suppose.
Shortly after midnight the drunkards started coming around, and I learned a new pick-up line that's been used on me before, but I didn't recognize as a pick-up line until now. Dipped in self-loathing with a hint of patheticness and the hope for sympathy I suppose, a guy walks up, puts his arms around me saying hello, then slurs "You're not who I thought you were, and you're way out of my league" then walks away. Shock value is what I think the people who use said line are trying to accomplish. But a "fool me once, shame on you..." recognision of this line, helped me just let him walk away.
And at around 2am when the bar had cleared and my night still wasn't awesome, a delayed from text from my boy, coupled with my favorite tune of the year (How Low Can You Go by Ludacris) brought a brief smile to my face... and then I headed home.
The Rusty Cage was broken up into 4 types of high school cliques. You have the jocks: t-shirts too tight on them, showing off that most of their lives revolve around the gym; the wanna-bes: wearing whatever they thought would look best at the bar, none of them dressed rock'n'roll, or even decently, but the gel in their hair suggests they tried; the nerds: made up of all men that keep to their tables, checking out the girls they'd like to get up the courage to talk to, but won't; and the girls: not sluts per say, but really trying for attention, none-the-less.
The band that's playing sounds decent enough but lack a personality of their own. They're ripping off all the most popular songs of Guitar Hero. Yes, I understand that those songs were once epic, but now, they are mostly recognized from the game that's educated the youth of today. From Sweet Child of Mine, to the Foofighters, and now Kings of Leon, it lacked the energy New Years Eve should hold.
The countdown happened 3 minutes early and was anti-climactic, as I think it was done more for the convenience of ending one song, and beginning another. The first song I heard in 2011 was Pink's "Raise Your Glass". No complaints I suppose.
Shortly after midnight the drunkards started coming around, and I learned a new pick-up line that's been used on me before, but I didn't recognize as a pick-up line until now. Dipped in self-loathing with a hint of patheticness and the hope for sympathy I suppose, a guy walks up, puts his arms around me saying hello, then slurs "You're not who I thought you were, and you're way out of my league" then walks away. Shock value is what I think the people who use said line are trying to accomplish. But a "fool me once, shame on you..." recognision of this line, helped me just let him walk away.
And at around 2am when the bar had cleared and my night still wasn't awesome, a delayed from text from my boy, coupled with my favorite tune of the year (How Low Can You Go by Ludacris) brought a brief smile to my face... and then I headed home.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Ruckus
About 2.5 hrs into the New Year and I'm already causing a ruckus.
I spent New Years Eve at a sister bar of my beloved Rusty Cage North. Disappointingly enough, there wasn't a huge and rowdy crowd there, and having an epically-good-time wasn't in the cards. But a decent-time was had regardless.
Anyway, by 2am, the bar had cleared out... and even though I desperately wanted to party, I found myself about to head home. Assuming that public transit would be extended, it being a holiday and all, I stumbled across the street to the c-train.
**The Heritage C-train station was in the news a few weeks back, because of a sexual assault that had occurred at about 2am. Apparently bits of it had been caught on camera, but no one came to the rescue, and the whole "transit camera system" was now being questioned.**
As I made my way up the stairs, and then down the other side towards the platform, I asked people if they knew when the next train was coming, but they were all wishy-washy with their responses
As I got onto the platform, I walked past a group of 15 people (who also didn't know when the train would be there, but had been waiting a while) acting as if I owned the place. Then, without a second thought, I said "Well, did anyone try this?" and pushed the big red HELP button. .
(I guess that would be the button one would push in case of an emergency, like an assault). A voice immediately answered, and I just slurred "ugh, hi, are there any more trains tonight?" to which I got a "no more trains" response, followed by my slurred "okay, thanks, sorry".
The looks of shock and dismay filled the crowd as they starred at me trying to wrap their heads around what I had just done. "That button is for EMERGENCIES" one guy said. But I just shrugged and said "no more trains" walking away, letting them talk about me amongst themselves.
Now, who knows how much that fine is? like $3000 I thought, I should really do my research on that. And there are cameras as everyone knows, but hey, it's not like I have a warrant out for my arrest having to do with c-train related crimes. I picked up a random, and after showing some leg, got into a cab with him. I was home by 3:30... or actually, I was standing in the middle of the street looking lost, same difference.
I spent New Years Eve at a sister bar of my beloved Rusty Cage North. Disappointingly enough, there wasn't a huge and rowdy crowd there, and having an epically-good-time wasn't in the cards. But a decent-time was had regardless.
Anyway, by 2am, the bar had cleared out... and even though I desperately wanted to party, I found myself about to head home. Assuming that public transit would be extended, it being a holiday and all, I stumbled across the street to the c-train.
**The Heritage C-train station was in the news a few weeks back, because of a sexual assault that had occurred at about 2am. Apparently bits of it had been caught on camera, but no one came to the rescue, and the whole "transit camera system" was now being questioned.**
As I made my way up the stairs, and then down the other side towards the platform, I asked people if they knew when the next train was coming, but they were all wishy-washy with their responses
As I got onto the platform, I walked past a group of 15 people (who also didn't know when the train would be there, but had been waiting a while) acting as if I owned the place. Then, without a second thought, I said "Well, did anyone try this?" and pushed the big red HELP button. .
(I guess that would be the button one would push in case of an emergency, like an assault). A voice immediately answered, and I just slurred "ugh, hi, are there any more trains tonight?" to which I got a "no more trains" response, followed by my slurred "okay, thanks, sorry".
The looks of shock and dismay filled the crowd as they starred at me trying to wrap their heads around what I had just done. "That button is for EMERGENCIES" one guy said. But I just shrugged and said "no more trains" walking away, letting them talk about me amongst themselves.
Now, who knows how much that fine is? like $3000 I thought, I should really do my research on that. And there are cameras as everyone knows, but hey, it's not like I have a warrant out for my arrest having to do with c-train related crimes. I picked up a random, and after showing some leg, got into a cab with him. I was home by 3:30... or actually, I was standing in the middle of the street looking lost, same difference.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Lost girl in the street
Yesterday was New Years, and via my 19-yr-old kinda attitude, in true drunken fashion, a couple of adventures came to pass. But I can't put them all in one story and lose my regular readership, so you'll have to read another post in a day or so.
But here's todays story:
It's 3:30 in the morning, and in the middle of the street on 20th Avenue, in front of Jimmy's stands a girl. Like a deer caught in headlights, she's just standing there, looking confused, and listening intently, holding something in her hand. She's wearing a short-sleeved dress, but no jacket. Her shoes don't match her outfit at all as they are ass-kicking/moon-walking/combat-looking boots.
She takes a step to the left and a step to the right, clearly distraught and frustrated. Then she bends down to pick an object up from a deep pile of snow. Her blackberry.
It always happens to me, what could I say?
But here's todays story:
It's 3:30 in the morning, and in the middle of the street on 20th Avenue, in front of Jimmy's stands a girl. Like a deer caught in headlights, she's just standing there, looking confused, and listening intently, holding something in her hand. She's wearing a short-sleeved dress, but no jacket. Her shoes don't match her outfit at all as they are ass-kicking/moon-walking/combat-looking boots.
She takes a step to the left and a step to the right, clearly distraught and frustrated. Then she bends down to pick an object up from a deep pile of snow. Her blackberry.
It always happens to me, what could I say?
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