Have you ever gotten yourself lost in someone elses drama? Ever woken up feeling beyond angry, and not knowing why? And then when you assess what the source of the frustration is, you realize that it has NOTHING to do with you? That's how I've been feeling the past couple days. Unable to control things that frustrate me, unable to make other people see my viewpoint on situations, and unable to make my friends happy.
Me, I don't like to lose. I don't like to feel out of control, and I hate feeling helpless. But there's only so much you could do before you do feel like you can't fix things, and that feeling drowns you inside. When I get to that point, I ALWAYS walk away. Although being unable to help kills me, sooner or later you have to cut your losses, acknowledge that things are out of your control, and walk away.
I thought about stuff that has to do with me the other day. I have no drama. Absolutely nothing. Not that has to do 100% with me anyway. And I think about myself a lot, so if there was anything drama-esque, I feel like I would've found it.
I tried to make some drama up. Pretend that there was a web of lies within my friends and that I was the naive stupid girl. Shit, maybe I'll be surprised and it'll turn out to be true. But then I was told "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" and so I wait for "my drama" to unfold. I wait to find out about the wife/kids/dog that would blow my mind, and shock me.
I just wish I could pass along some of my boring contentment to others... without taking on their bullshit drama and heartache.
And those are my afternoon thoughts for today.
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