When you think of the time in your life when you wanted to shoot yourself, along with everyone around you in the face, many typical scenarios might pop up. That day you unjustifiably lost your job. The time you woke up with the worst hangover you've ever experienced, when you had tears in your eyes and you were promising god that you would be a better person if it would just go away. Well, Calgary theatre has just topped my list.
Me going into the specifics of the play I just saw is unnecessary. Not only do I not want to relive it for the purpose of this blog... I also wouldn't wish that god-awfulness on my worst enemy. What I can tell you, is that as soon as you walk into the venue and see 4 adults in clown make-up...RUN!!!
6 Minutes into the play I was counting down the minutes to its end. It felt like I was part of a brain washing cult and I wanted to shoot pellets at the people who were laughing and encouraging the actors to continue with such none sense. 15 Minutes in they said "Let's kiss" and I vowed to Girlie that I would kiss her right then and there if only it would get us out of there - and that's saying a lot.
Things that I would have rather seen on stage include: beasteality, pedophelia, any number of girl-on-girl bits that would make me highly uncomfortable. I would rather be standing outside waiting for a bus for an hour. I would rather be digging my own grave. There are not enough words for me to think of that could explain the horror I had just witnessed. It's moments like those that I have a flask-full of "emergency Jack" with me, and my detox goes out the window. And as I sat there, trying to convince myself that this was a test of my patience, and imagining breaking in to toilet-paper that theatre, I couldn't fathom what I had ever done in my life to make me deserve such torture.
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